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Real Housewives of New York Recap, We See Right Through Your Camel Toe LuAnn!!

Posted by ImaJustSaying on June 12, 2011


 

I only pretend to have klass.. I serve up Hot Steamy chit for a living!! CHIT STIRRIN MAY BUY YOU KLASS!!!!! Hope no one realized when I wrote my book that the rules didn't pertained to reality tv?

So the show starts off right off the heels of the Ramotional slobbering on the bed vs Jill who sought comfort to her brunette’s by telling them that “this is the worst I have eva dealt wit!!  I aint gonna kiss that hard ass no more.. she works out too much for me and her arse is too firm!!”

We are going to have long faced babies together..

Jill is banging on Cindy’s door to no avail.. “Where is my Cindy!!!  sniff sniff”.  LuMann comes from the corridor and asks what happens while Jill now really turns on the water works and breaks out into her oh mah gawd mode.. “I have been so violated!!”  I need Bawby!!!!!

How does Jill bring up (cue lightning and thunder) the Bethenny issue and claims it was all Ramona’s fault and now feels betrayed?  Is this her only response to Ramona confront her on how she doesn’t like how Jill talks behind her back?  Is that all she has?  How was that Ramona’s fault?  I don’t get it..  Memory tells me that it was LuMann who tried to sever the ties with her well orchestrated ways of sabotaging a meeting at Ramona’s home in an effort to get them together to talk since Bethenny was on board to strike a make-up of the Jill kind?  Was it not LuMann who dragged Jill out of that apartment before that could happen?  Wasn’t it Jill who railed on Ramona for such a surprise and attack  for attempting to draft a peace treaty?  Now its all Ramona’s fault for Jill’s and Bethenny’s break down?    Never once taking LuMann to task for her part in it and now telling LuMann that it was all Ramona’s fault when she never told her what she said!!!  MY BRAINS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!!!

onmynerves

LuMann.. gives Jill the obligatory hug like let me hug the Ramona and Bethenny out of you so I can convince you that I am your ONLY friend while Kelly sits by her side observing..

LuMann gets angry at Ramona and thinks anything that comes out of Ramona’s mouth is not OK and Jill calls Ramona a piece of shit!  I need to make sure I document all the snide remarks and bashing on the blondes to prove a point later..   OMG!!  Cindy finally arrives?  Where the hell was she in Jill’s break down that she needs BAWWWBY!!!

Jill proclaims that she will never let that piece of shit make her kiss her arse and LuMann claims that she “will never allow it”!  LuMann is on a mission and some how this gets twisted..

Ramona is upset being comforted by Alex and Sonja and Ramona only speaks of how upset she is.  No hurling insults or asking her friends to take sides..  a different scene of humility..

In walks in LuMann screaming Ramona’s name and Ramona want to duck and take cover..  Her friends see this immediately and wants to intervene.   Alex asks LuMann for a moment and Sonja asks for some Pino..  LuMann goes right in with.. “Why are you causing problems?”  Well if memory serves me correctly, LuMann said on “Watch What Happens Live” that she needed to find Ramona to “comfort” her due to the Fortune Tellers readings..  LuMann.. you’re a big fat liar.. it was clear what your intention were period.. 

LuMann goes to get a glass of Pinot at the request of Sonja to help medicate Ramona.  I like the way Sonja thinks and really Ramona only wanted was water and asked for that instead..   

Alex asks LuMann to leave and give Ramona a break and it worked. THANK GOD!!  Let all the girls have their moments and relax..  LuMann was truly trying to attack Ramona to this day she will never own up to it.  She blames it on card reading, and concern.. if I am watching the same episode…   LU MANN is a big fat liar!!   They finally ousted the bomb ready to explode from the room and now we can all breathe.

Oh lord, now Kelly been shmokin enters the room, she claims she is not taking sides and Ramona jumps up and thanks her for it..   Ramona doesn’t want anyone to take side and she is happy.. for now..     All is calm for now as everyone is properly  medicated and putting on their dancing shoes.

We are only 10 minutes into this episode and I have written way too much!!  Off to the Belly Dancers!!  phew..

A table of men catches Sonja’s eye and she is sizing up the mina ja twa..  you go Sonja.. get your bad side on!!

We are now descended upon with belly dancers with candles in their hands and I am now afeard for the womens lives since this place can light up faster that Kelly on a crack pipe!!   (allegedly)  😉

Ramona is appearing to have a good time “no matter what” and now Jill wants to stand on her seat like she is in a “grateful Dead Concert” and both Sonja and the Countless has to remind her that its ‘Klassless” to look like a tourist..  I AGREE!!  Jill sit your ass down and just ooh and ahh like the rest you turd..   BEHAVE!!!  ugh

As Ramona appreciates the talent of the women.. Bravo has to insert a picture with a caption to allude to some other meaning..  Bravo you bad boys..  You producers are always stirring the pot don’t ya?  I find the Ramona vs Mario cheating thing getting really played out now..  This tells me that the producers are truly trying to make a story line that may or not exist.   Per Jill Zarin.. “If you say it, it don’t make it true!!!”  ugh

The following morning, the girls minus Ramona and the LuMann are taking a sight-seeing tour..    Jill is all over this dude like white on rice with questions that make no sense or matter if she understood the culture..   She is only making sense to her nonsensical brain for chit she doesn’t understand.. the Mustafa dude is a nice guy and just placated the women and what a guy..   He is a true professional..

I think Sonja is placating the tour dude with your comfortable right?  Jill is fabulous.. she is Barbwa Walters with those hard-hitting questions..  ‘what is Arabic?”  I nearly fell off my chair when I heard her ask that and Sonja felt the same way but Sonja will never cop to that!  She is pretending to admire Jill’s fine interviewing skills that will land her a spot on ‘Who Gives A Crap” news station.

Ramona and Alex have a talk on the roof top of the Riad and Alex is truly the consoler and that’s her job.    Dr Alex to the rescue!!  Take three Pinot glasses and call me in the morning for an ibuprofen!!! 

Ahh.. makes me remember that Jill said in her tweets that she didn’t buy Ramona’s sincerity here.  Why Jillousy?  why do you say one thing then another?    argh..  I am sure Jill has changed… because she said so.

At this point Alex speaks to Ramona of LuManns behavior of maybe being a passive aggressive person in her verbal attack which may be not be an attack but slays you all in words that you can’t even fathom of understanding the meaning??    Alex is only now figuring that out?  Ramona too? 

How is it that all the viewers of this show can see right through LuManns Camel Toe and not the rest?  KILL ME NOW!!  She is the most passive aggressive person I have ever seen!!!  She even takes it to WWHL to claim the only reason she is trending is because she is only NOW getting acquainted with twitter??  BULLCHIT!!  She has been tweeting lots of things like parody videos of a lip sink of her own video.. Money can by Klass chit..   Countless.. I see right through your camel toe..    You deflect to get others to sell your wares…

 Alex is the only one who see’s the countless for who she is but she takes on a mission..  Damn I wish at this point Bethenny was there to establish some clarity.. cause Alex has none..  Alex is sending a new message..  hives and all.

LuMann, Kelly and paint drying Cindy are getting Henna tatoo’s.  They all of sudden hear a clop clop sounding very harried down the stairs and get worried..  Alex emerges in the stairwell and LuMann is freaked out!  Who wouldn’t be!  LuMann is worried something has happened and we learn that Alex not only clogged down the stair well but she has to talk to LuMann who is now more put off then the sound of the entrance!!!  LMAOO  poor Alex,  she entered the room and now made Kelly Been Shmokin weirded out with the word ‘weird’ and ‘inauthentic” over and over because her meds have worn off  (allegedly).  Cindy lays back waiting for her henna to dry while LuMann goes on the attack and Kelly is thinking of more words to conjure up and Cindy is wondering if she needs some popcorn for this scene.  LuMann gets up!!  leaves the room before she can tell Alex that she is a witch who came from a cabinet!!  I didn’t know that this was a scene from Hansel and Gretel and wondering who will be cooked next!   Cindy lays there like she is stoned from good Arabic weed and Kelly is pissed like someone stole her candy!  She charges Alex like a girl with no sugar on a meth low (allegedly) and looses her chit! 

Kelly is starting to sound like the guy from the ‘Old Spice commercial”!!    Open your eyes, close them, open your eyes.. close them..

“Open your eyes, now back to me.. open your eyes, now back to me…”   I wanted the end of the scene to have DIAMONDS!!!!  A Girl can always dream ya now..

I can’t belive for one second that Alex allowed Kelly to be her puppeteer and pull all her strings!!!  Kelly even convinced Alex into thinking she was not angry.. she was sad!  Of course!  Sad people always trounce down a staircase like that making a dramatic entrance before she even appeared.    Alex can’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag!!  Alex should not be allowed to speak on the show.  She writes a good blog and doesn’t avoid the obvious and owns her crazy looks of  “is that a bird?  is that a plane??  No ITS FREAKIN NUT JOB LYING SACK OF SHIT LUMANN  carefully orchestrating story lines and manipulating events!!!”

Unfortunately, Alex had another message that couldn’t be delivered.. cause she can’t deliver a message without having hives and Kelly and LuMann interrupting her to the point of bad henna-ache.  LuMann shwooped outta the room in Countless style claiming Alex was some sort of witch who lived in a cabinet and Kelly wanted to invoke the dude from the Old Spice commercial.  This was way to comical that we can even make up!  Poor Alex, her intentions were good but her clod hoppin down the stairs were her demise.. 

In the meantime, Sonja and Ramona are having fun upstairs getting dressed and enjoying each others company while Alex is downstairs fighting Ramona’s battles claiming Ramona is upset and crying.    If Alex has learned anything from the previous seasons, she certainly hasn’t learned to let others fight their own battles and just support them or call the out the hypocrisy calmly.   The two blondes go off to sneak a peek at the dresses and executes a perfectly well done covert operation.   For now on I only want to see scenes with Ramona and Sonja since they are truly playful and fun and not IN-AUTHENTIC!!!!

In walks in Jill looking like a poodle who just woke up from a long slumber in the hot sun and attempts to talk to Alex and Kelly is again trying convince us what Alex’s emotions are and even Jill asked Kelly to let Alex speak.   Kelly runs off to find some jelly beans.

Now on to the infamous dinner scene.  LuMann gets to hatch her even better ruse of the day by telling the other brunettes that the blondes are not coming to dinner and has ordered up dinner to their rooms.  Unbeknownst to the blondes, as they trickle in, they had no idea that dinner was scheduled for a particular time and had ‘snacks’ mid afternoon and not dinner.   LuMann carefully executes her plan to convince the others that the others are rude and makes sure that no one goes upstairs to ask them if they are coming down stairs..  LuMann, I am still seeing right through your camel toe.. its pretty wide..   As Alex comes in, she is quickly attacked by LuMann with nasty looks and a loud declaration of “COME!!!! INTO MY LAIR”!!  She then proceeds to tell Alex that the kitchen is closed thou.. too bad.. but please join us.   Alex is taken off guard now and is looking for the escape exit.  Then LuMann politely offers a glass of wine.. which Alex pauses and is worried if LuMann is going to spit in it or dunk her pitchfork in it. 

As Kelly and LuMann begin to berate Alex, LuMann tells Alex that “you know better than that” and Alex really has no idea of what is going on since she entered the room thinking she was having dinner?   As Alex finally gets the explanation for the chilly room, Alex apologizes for being late but sets the record straight that she had no idea what time dinner was and LuMann quickly puts an end to conversation and says apology accepted as to no speak anymore of why Alex was not informed of the dinner time?  Anyone else catch that?

I have to tell you what is really annoying me is the splotchy ashy eye makeup Alex is wearing.  Its been the same left eye all day.

Alex again, her vocal chords are constricted and LuMann wont stop skewering Alex while Kelly throws Alex out.  Alex, you can’t make an entrance and you certainly don’t know how to exit a room without cutting a bitch.  Cindy now claims Alex is rude when she just came in to eat a damn meal.  LuManns plan is working.

Oh boy, Sonja and Ramona now enter the room and LuMann has now put herself in charge of who can and can’t eat food while in Morocco.  She tells them they must go to bed without their dinner and maybe she will let the staff make them breakfast.

Ramona unlike Alex will go after LuMann and make it clear that she did not know what time dinner was and explains she arranged to have a mid afternoon snack for all the ladies.  Ramona then goes to find the evidence of the mid day snack and drops it onto the dinner table as PROOF!  LuMann’s plan is starting to unravel and Kelly now can’t decide whether or not who is the rude one instructs Ramona to blindly apologize and Ramona agrees to keep the peace.  What the hell does Ramona have to apologize for? 

Since LuManns plan is falling apart, she turns Ramona’s fake apology into oh dahling..  I needed to talk to you about that card reader.. I am here for you.. bullchit.  Damn LuMann,  that camel toe is looking like the GRAND CANYON!!!

 The next morning as the girls prepare to escape Morocco and head back to a Czar free New York City, LuMann is explaining to Cindy that she should leave her young children home alone more often to explore her selfish side traveling abroad.  LuMann lives in the city during the week while her children are in school and fending homework on their own or with paid help and visits them on weekends while all the hard work is done by someone else.   Hey!  I’m just saying..

Something else interesting, with Kelly criticizing Ramona’s clothes and attire for this trip now goes for a run in excercise clothes that are a tad larger than a bikini.  

What has surprised me most is Jill approaching Ramona and putting an end to the madness and accepting Ramona’s apology for breaking her and Bethenny up.  Jill has a huge heart.

LuMann must be steaming at this point since her plan didn’t work and she now has to rack her brains out concocting a new plan to divide Ramona and Jill.

The girls have a cooking lesson and we learn that Cindy finds no value in cooking a meal.   It’s easier to open a can of cat food for herself but she does have manners and uses a fork.

Now to add fuel to the Bravo produced and assisted by LuMann’s rumors, Bravo captures both Simon and Mario playing pool and flirting with a female.   ugh..

The girls get their Moroccan style makeup and kaftans on and go out to dinner.  LuMann tries to give the final impression again that she paid and arranged for the trip and they would all be dead without her. 

Because.. ya know.. tomorrow is another day for LuMann to throw up facades and hatch evil plans while stirring her big pot of steamy chit!!!

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4 Responses to “Real Housewives of New York Recap, We See Right Through Your Camel Toe LuAnn!!”

  1. Sorry if their are grammatical errors to my rambling.. I dont have time to edit this!

  2. Coffee FIRST said

    Stupendous recap! Loved it!

    You so funny!!

    • Oh coffee.. ur too kind to me.. I didnt have enough time to bedazzle it with photo’s and make sure I made sense.. so .. I will put you in my will for 5 MILLIONNNS DOOOOLLLLARS!!! MAZEL!

  3. I am having 404 webpages actually regularly, I’m not too sure why nonetheless if I refresh the web page it results alright.

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