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Real Housewives of New York Recap – More Petty Issues to Throw on the Ramona Wood Pile!!

Posted by ImaJustSaying on May 27, 2011

Lets Conspire to Make the Blondes Look Like Drunks! Cheers.. Drink Up!

 We are finally all going to Morocco so we can see a further division of the Brunette’s vs the Blonde’s and I somehow think Bravo had a hand in this by placing the women on different flights separated by 24 hours?  No explanation was ever given for that and it looks as if Bravo wanted the women separated to catch the salacious gossip the Brunette’s like to dish out.

We start out with the Brunette’s flying to Morocco and LuAnn is teaching the girls a few words in Arabic and of course, the Arabic word for Dahlink, ‘Yaha bi bi’.   I think in the first 5 minutes of the show I heard LuAnn saying dahlink (in English) 20 times now and I hope she chokes on it the next time she exclaims it. 

As the Brunette’s arrive to Marrakesh, Jill makes sure that the driver is aware that he has a Countless in his presense and ladies in waiting.   This could be Jill’s chance to be viewed as royalty but only if she can fix that accent of hers.  She is from Lon-Giland and ‘it shows’.   LuAnn makes it clear what form of transportation is appropriate dahlings.  Moped’s are not Klahcy.    As they enter the Riad, I have to say I had a pang of jillousy but I remembered who was in attendance and that pang quickly left me.  If I had to be reminded to sip tea with my pinky sticking out, I would have to jab my pinky in her eye. CLINK ME!

The Blonde’s board their flight the next day from the Brunette’s and Ramona is confessing how she likes to travel with all her creature comforts.  Who doesn’t?  I have stayed in a fabulous French hotel and the sheets gave me a serious rash for days.   When one travels for leisure or business, you learn to acquire the best accommodations you possibly can for an area and budget.   

The Blondes now arrive to Marrakesh and the camera’s shoot over to LuAnn and Jill readying to play tennis and the gossip begins!  I guess Ramona asked for assistance to help her unpack and LuAnn and Jill being the royalty that they are, thinks Ramona is too much of a peasant to require such assistance!  THE NERVE!  LuAnn is now detailing Ramona’s needs and I would think they all had request’s of some kind or requirements?  How is this unusual when we know darn well Bravo is footing the bill.  And when will LuAnn stop acting like SHE paid for this trip and everyone owes her an ass kissing.

The Blondes are traveling to he riad and appear a little more than concerned for their safety since the views were not at all familiar to them although there is poverty and run down building in New York as well.  As they arrive to the riad, Sonja is concerned for her luggage and wants to make sure no one gets a peek at her friend BOB (Battery actived boy).   I would feel the same way!  Leaving my luggage unattended makes me feel like I left my pocketbook in the back of the car.  I have had things stolen out of my hotel room and checked luggage.  Hotel staff has stolen mostly articles of clothing that have sport logo’s on them.  Weird.  I do not begrudge Sonja for being concerned but now that I think about it, your items in a car or in your room can be pilfered just the same. hmm maybe even hangers? 

Ramona showing us her biceps she may have to use later to kick Cindy's ass with

As the Blondes go to there rooms to unpack, they are introduced to the hostess of the residence who would be their go to person for ANY of their needs and Ramona requested assistance in unpacking.  As Ramona unpacks, Kelly and LuAnn inspects Ramona items and thinks Ramona’s clothing is “Girls Gone Wild” while Kelly is standing their with her boobs hanging out of her top.  The Countess wants to establish a dress code for the vacation and now she is really grating on my nerves.   LuAnn is now playing House Mother with a huge ruler up her ass to whip out at any time to rap someone across the knuckles with.  It almost feels like boarding school.  Ramona is completely over whelmed with unpacking as she realizes that she packed enough clothes for a girls gone wild trip with Debbie Downers.  Kelly and LuAnn has obtained enough fodder to start gossiping about her “sexy” clothes with Jill and Cindy.  Kelly is outraged with the amount of skin Ramona clothes could expose.   Check out Kelly posing the red carpet in her school marm clothes.   If Ramona scratched her head they would gossip that she had dandruff. 

'When I get work done its not looking for the fountain of youth?' My middle name is "FullOfShit"

How catty are these Brunette’s gossiping about Ramona’s work of laser and skin treatments when they do the same?   They are now speculating that Ramona may of had a nose job and half of these women gossiping have breast implants and Jill eventually gets her nose sculpted.  The hypocrisy is going to be riddled all over this episode.  

Got two faced mouths and hurling


Jill speaks of Ramona finding the fountain of youth in doctors and laying down some heavy life lessons in growing old gracefully.  Jill Zarin speaks out of both sides of her mouth faster than she could run to a free buffet.

As the girls try to complete there unpacking, Cindy wanders into their room asking Sonja and Ramona if they took her hangers.  This is starting to look like skeary island where Kelly was afraid someone was going to steal her jelly beans.  Sonja and Ramona offer suggestions and asked the house staff member standing right their to assist Cindy with additional hangers.  Cindy is still not satisfied and wants to know who took her hangers and we now learn that she is certain that Ramona or Sonja stole her hangers.  As Cindy passively aggressively suggest’s that she “doesn’t believe someone would lie about hangers, but Thank you!!!!”    Cindy deserved the comments for “hanger-gate” just for the idocracy she created for a problem that could be fixed in moments!  Ramona says that “I think she needs a hanger up her butt” and I couldn’t agree more Ramona!  If hangers are going to be the level in which one gets irritated and blindly lashes out on others… well this is going to be one ridiculous trip.  A huge wood pile of petty issues start to build here folks.

Cindy now tells the other whack jobs that “they” the Blondes took all her hangers and all her clothes “are like, F on the thing” even thou she had not seen anyone do this dramatical filled vile act and now leads us to believe that someone had REMOVED her clothes from the hangers as well!   I don’t believe this for a moment and Cindy is so beyond lame, that she can’t even invent a decent drama moment that would be believable.   Forget the fact that they are on different floors and the Blonde’s claim to not even know where Cindy’s room is.   Can Cindy please exit stage left!  I hope she breaks a veneer in Morocco on the shit cow puckeys she is chewing on.

Since LuAnn now designated herself as “THE Hostess” forgetting Sonja also planned the trip with her as a Co-Hostess, LuAnn wants to get to the bottom of ‘hanger gate’ and make sure that everyone plays nice and picks their battles and not their noses.

Ramona and Sonja try to sneak out after ‘hanger-gate’ has been settled and LuAnn catches them as they crawled out the window.   They tell LuAnn, who wants to orchestrate every moment of the first hours they arrived that they are going to go relax in a car ride.  LMFAOO!!  Sonja and Ramona had better plans than to lunch and take jabs from the Brunette’s and escape ‘Skeary Riad”.  They were certainly not forthcoming in their explanation and clearly did not want to invite any of the Brunettes along and I CAN’T BLAME THEM!  Their instinct was correct in skipping the shindig for gossip ladled curried beef.

LuAnn is shocked and hurt that she can’t feed the ladies venomous couscous to their face and instead they do what they do best, talk behind their backs.  Kelly in true childlike fashion assume Sonja and Ramona are “looking for guys”.  How disgusting!  Jill suggest’s that they are heading to a hotel to get mani-pedi’s and now the idiot Kelly is outraged and states that both of them NEVER get mani-pedi’s and why would they in Morocco?  Kelly seems to be privy to all of Sonja and Ramona’s beauty rituals and find them OUTRAGEOUS!  Kelly is starting to resemble the infantile behavior she demonstrated in “skeary island”..    Kelly now turns her attack mode to Sonja’s home and financial status claiming her home is not clean, organized, updated blah blah blah and Jill agrees with her.  Kelly making claim that Sonja is living in her Ex-husbands home is again, HYPOCRISY!   Where would Kelly be today with out her divorce settlement!  She is a walking contradiction on so many levels and LuAnn is starting to look like she is resembling those remarks as well and puts and end to it.   Kelly now in her talking head is accusing Sonja of leading a life that is a lie.  Them are fighting words and I want to kick Kelly’s ass for Sonja but I am not so sure I can reach that high with my foot since Kelly sports on ass on her face.  I think Kelly would like to obtain one ounce of Sonja’s confidence and her ability to be comfortable in her own skin where Kelly always is sinking her head into her shoulders like a scared kid.  Jill and Cindy are giddy over Kelly’s comments and this only demonstrates how catty they truly are.  Reminds me of the “you’re not a chef, you’re a cook”  comments.   I also think Kelly may be a little bit jealous that Sonja OWNS her townhouse on the upper east side and feels inferior when Sonja has to schlep downtown.  😉   Sonja in her blog stated that she owns her home free and clear and proves that Kelly just pulls chit out of her ass while munching on it.

"Your earring are to die for! What else did you instruct me to say and do?"

The trash talking Brunette’s go shopping and guess who they just ran into?  Brad!  Jill’s gay husband.  Is this an orchestrated busted up ‘sex in the city’ scene?  The wives are invited to a celebration for Brad’s birthday and here go, another adult having a ‘birthday weekend’.   Brad asked who was in the group and when Jill mentioned Ramona, Brad on cue takes a moment to shnark on Ramona.  “Oh this country is going to LOVE her”.  What the hell does that mean?  Brad wants to strangle Ramona because she barely said hello to him when running into each other at a party.  So rude.   Lets throw more pettiness on to the wood pile folks.   Brad fits in with the Brunette’s just fine.    What they don’t realize is, while they have been gossiping and plotting Ramona’s death all day, wasting ample time to enjoy themselves,  Alex is getting a much-needed nap and Sonja and Ramona are having a great time sipping pink champagne and meeting celebs at the hotel not even giving them a second thought.  Gee, who would I want to hang out with? 


LUKE!! I AM YOUR FATHER!! I instructed you to meet in the parlour for drinks! Sipping wine in your rooms is not acceptable! I SAW YOU!! You were also instructed to wear a KAFTAN!! MY HOME MY RULES!!! Now bow to the Queen!

  As the moo-moo kaftan clad women assemble in the parlour,  we see Kelly eating jelly beans and I am wondering if anyone smells cat pee.  LuAnn is so fed up with the  Blonde’s because they have curlers in their hair,  drinking while on vacation and not following LuAnn’s plan’s.  LuMann is FED UP!   The children are not following house rules and sticking to the itinerary.   LuAnn decides she desperately needs a drink now.  Well if you can’t beat them, join them?

Jill does the usual fake to your face business and tells Ramona how amazing she looks after gossiping about her all day.   Cindy and Kelly stay quiet in their corners because the can only speak BEHIND Sonja and Ramona’s back and too intimidated to engage with them or to their face.   LuAnn shouts to Ramona..  “I just seen you in the hallway!”.  So now we can add another petty issue to the wood pile.  This is gonna be a huge bonfire folks. 

LuAnn states that Ramona “is fresh as a daisy” after partying all day and looking amazing.  Is this LuAnn’s passive aggressive way to spank them for breakin the law?  LuAnn’s law is to follow the letter TO the law and bore yourself to death in the process?  I would be a criminal too in that case.

We are introduced to a famous Kaftan designer and here it come.. foot in mouth, Ramona said “I don’t like the Kaftan look” and wants something sexy.  This designer will be crafting a look for each of the women.  Ramona hasn’t got the memo if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all and be gracious.   Ramona is concerned that the designer will not remember which design she selected and she points to a picture of the style and said her name like 3 times loudly while rolling the R like mad!  LuAnn is gonna have a heart attack and Alex is pretending she is not there by staring into space.  Ramona is behaving badly here and I think she may have had a bit too much pink champagne?  The more she drinks the louder and abrupt she becomes. 

I will of course retrieve "the wood" because its clear you all treat me like 'dead wood"

It is clear that Sonja and Ramona are 3 sheets to the wind maybe combined with Jet Lag as they are in dire need of someone to retrieve wood for them from the other room and stoke the fire.  Thank goodness Alex had the nap and a clear head to manage the task.. Good job Alex!

We are not in Kansas anymore gilrs.. If we get jumped, use Kelly and Cindy as shields!

  As the girls are dressed to the nine’s thinking they would be entering through some lavish setting to a fabulous party, they find themselves a bit skeard walking through dark alleys and narrow passages.  Another broke down scene out of ‘Sex in the City’.   Brad welcomes the girls and just like true fake fashion,  Brad goes right over to Ramona and welcomes her with a kiss and compliments.   Jill couldn’t wait to tell us that the home was not Brad’s as he supposedly said and making sure even Brad was not unscathed by Jill’s wrath of venom. 

Jill now has her face all sucked in because she claims Ramona is texting at a party.  Add another petty Ramona issue to the wood pile folks.  It’s knee-deep with bullshit.  Sonja is speaking tipsy french and Cindy finally speaks!  But when she speaks its making up stuff to play the new victim in town.  Move over Kelly!  Something happened in the ride over and Sonja tells the story when she and Cindy met to shop and dine, Cindy brought her veneers and blah blah blah.  Cindy feels she was attacked because,  she is playing the “Real Housewives of New York” VICTIM!   I wonder if Sonja broke wind in the car ride would Cindy think that was an attack as well on her delicate nature?  Cindy does not belong on this show.   She needs a pillow  under her ass at all times.  Quickly to change the subject is the hissing sound of a snake and I am expecting LuAnn to round the corner any minute now. 

Oh my GAWD! That snake is a charma fa sure..

 The evening kicks off with snake charmer’s and the charmer summons the snakes with his pungi instrument to lead the snakes out from under LuAnn’s kaftan.   After the snakes escape the skirts of LuAnn, the snakes them vomit and cleanse their souls of shit stirren and bossy business.  The sun now rises and the angels sing for a momentary feeling of zen and cleanse.

Sonja seems to think that snakes mate with their mouths since the vomit the snake regurgitated resembled something she has spit out as well.  I think Sonja needs to put down the champagne, go home and take a much-needed map.  Not sleeping for more than 24 hours plus alcohol will conjure up the most amazing thoughts and bizarre visions.

Jill now dances with the snakes conjuring up the gods trying to free her soul of jealousy and pettiness and wants to do as she claimed in the beginning of the season, wanting to be more of a normal person and center her soul over sunshine and not a pile of steamy chit.

Ok, Cindy has officially out done LuAnn on the obnoxiously large necklaces.   The pungi and drum playing begins and dancing is on the way as we hear celebratory cries.   Aye YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA!!!!!  OLE!

Can this fortune teller tell me where I left my panties at?

    The wives are now lured into a kitchen to have a woman tell their fortunes but first!  Bravo and/or LuAnn must clue this woman on important information to really stir the pot.  How is it that so far the chit telling is only visions of bad karma to Ramona and Sonja?  Didn’t that story teller see season 3 with Jill cinching her trip to hell when she passes on too lesser than greener pastures?

Jill – She has a big heart which is her saving grace but she talks too much.   (Did she not see that her heart is made of stone?)

Sonja – Money is not life.  The heart is more important.  Don’t look for the money, the money will come after.

Kelly –    Kelly will have 3 kids.  (the rest was not translated but I could have sworn I heard the word fatwa and the name Bethenny)  Also did she not see that Kelly has phobia’s when it comes to the human anatomy and sex tapes?

Ramona – There is another woman!  Not a daughter but a woman and Sonja starts to cry and the look on the women’s faces resembles a death!

     Next week we see Jill telling the camera’s that maybe Sonja’s reaction to Ramona’s fortune is due to knowing something that Ramona doesn’t?  Well I am now assured that the ritual of Jill dancing with the snakes to rid her soul of evil spirits did not work.  Actually the reverse happened?  Did she instead summon the devil?

Until next week folks!  Unaired footage for your not so viewing pleasure..

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11 Responses to “Real Housewives of New York Recap – More Petty Issues to Throw on the Ramona Wood Pile!!”

  1. @tweatcyn said

    Hilarity thoughout. ; )

  2. Olive the Other Reindeer said

    Great..great recap…..loathing LuAnn….bete noir,,to stay with the Morroccan theme….Jill is a jealous gossipy witch,,Kelly is getting her infantile personality on,,,and Cindy is just a waste of human flesh,,,did I cover it??? I gotta’ tell u,,the Brad thing was so staged. Actually I was kind of glad to have seen him because I thought Jill took him for a ride to Long Island,,never to be seen again,,,,yeah that fortune teller was sooo authentic,,and I have ocean front property in Arizona,,u want to buy it? LuAnn is soon my last nerve,,and what made Bravo pick Cindy,,the girl’s got nuttin’

  3. G-sus said

    Great recap, once again, you are in my head IJS. The pics cracked me up, especially Mommie Dearest up there with the beaver hanger.

    • Thanks G-Sus! MickyMouth is a pro at her chop pics. I can only wonder what the next 2 weeks are going to bring us and I am still praying that LuAnn falls off that camel.. lol

  4. G-sus said

    I wouldn’t want to go on a trip with these ladies. Too many rules to follow. I would have tried to escape like Ramona and Sonja. But, I have to admit, when I first saw them trying to leave, my guess was that they were on the hunt for “pharmaceuticals”. And it was really odd that Bravo cameras didn’t go along for the ride.
    And really, how many of you have gone on a trip with friends when you had a host or cohosts? Sure, someone usually does the planning, but why give yourself a title?

  5. Olive the Other Reindeer said

    Thank u,,thank u,,but I feed off your recap and u were so spot on the,,,snake charmer picture made me spit out my soda laughing( hate when that happens because the Countess does not approve ) pfffffft oh this is going to be o
    a loong ” vacation “……The blondes will need a vacation from the brunettes,,,, 🙂

  6. Dalai Mama said

    Fortune-teller, huh?
    Come on. We all know that was Bethenny beneath that burka.

  7. Adgirl said

    Fantastic recap of an episode I refuse to watch. An hour of unrelieved horror. The current season of NY (and, actually, now that I think of it, all of the RH shows) is such a bummer. Nasty, petty & mean. This is exactly why I have never attended a high school reunion.

  8. Mrs. Hugh Jackman said

    @9 Dalai Mama…ROTF! 🙂

    @10 Adgirl…Hi! They are “nasty, petty, & mean”. The only one I could really tolerate being around on that trip is Alex for any length of time. She seems to not want to get involved in all the gossip, etc. & she watches her manners it seems. LOL about the high school reunion. My high school had a reputation for being the most “stuck up”, but I did attend 10th reunion w/ hubby. It was fine as long as I talked with the “nice” people & friends. There were some. LOL. It was funny, there were still the mean girls who were still acting “mean”. When hubby asked me about 20th reunion I said no way. He didn’t have to ask me about 30th. LOL. There are a few friends I still get together with every few years or so, but we agree with the ones who didn’t attend our high school that it was super stuck up. I’ll never understand why grown women have to act like their in “high school” with all the bad behavior. Not kidding, when hubby was out of grad school & we were wining & dining with CEO of a huge co., his wife, and other “top” people from that co. & another top co., & one woman told me she was from same city & asked me what schools I attended. We were having a great time chatting. Well, when I told her what high school I went to an odd expression came across her face. I said I didn’t like the school…too stuck up. She laughed, & said that it had a bad rep for that. I told her I had made some great friends, had some great teachers, did have some fun, but for most part…couldn’t wait to get out & away from so many stuck up people. Really, the stuck up/mean people are just so very insecure…but you’d never know it…but deep down just extremely insecure.

    LOVE old movies…Golden Era! Thank you mickeymouth for using a 1942 Bob Hope/Bing Crosby “Road” movie poster. LOVE IT!!

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