Real Housewives of New York Recap – Its Not “Travel Reservations” but Shit Stirring Reservations
Posted by ImaJustSaying on May 20, 2011
Here we go people!! It’s time for petty bitch fights that end no where and finally, the declaration of who is the “Thug in a cock–tail dress!’ The theme of the night.. SHIT STIRRING!!!!
LuAnn and Sonja meet for lunch and again, Sonja is claiming to come from the gym again. I think Sonja just rolls out of bed to meet the ladies for lunch time to time and blames her appearance on a treadmill workout. Your not fooling me Sonja.. I am the queen of that excuse!
The “Dahlings” decide to plan a trip to rid all the tension between the women and they decide on Morocco which is westernized and sophisticated per LuAnn. LuAnn calls Jill and Bahbie gave Jill permission to go. Sonja calls Ramona and does anyone find it funny that Sonja’s dialect changes when she speaks to Ramona? LuAnn calls Cindy and she is eager. Sonja calls Alex and of course Alex is on board because she loves Moroccan food but doesn’t get it much because Simon doesn’t like couscous.
LuAnn calls Kelly and you can tell in LuAnn’s face that she is not optimistic and now Kelly is going on and on about skeary island and is wondering if Sonja, Ramona and Alex would be going.
Ramona and LuAnn meet for lunch and it appears it starts out pleasant because both Ramona and LuAnn are smiling initially. Then LuAnn goes right for the jugular and starts in on Ramona, already taking Jill’s side without even knowing the background. This is in regards to Ramona’s wine party where she found out from Jennifer that Jill was grilling her on why was she friends with Ramona and why would she invite Alex to her wedding? We all know that Jill denies this all over twitter and her blog calling Jennifer a liar and claims she just wants to be on tv. Does Jill think she owns tv or something? That is something we hear in RHONJ as well where Teresa said, her sister in-law Melissa just wants to be on tv. How does one own TV and who appears?
LuAnn now claims that Ramona is not a good hostess who says hurtful things. Ramona claims she at least will say things to your face and not behind your back and this stops LuAnn dead in her tracks! Hmm let’s think LuAnn.. you are the biggest shit stirrer who is polite to everyone (prior to this episode) when engaging and as soon as you have a one on one interview, you slam, stab and burn your opponents when they are not looking. Then LuAnn claims she does not talk about anyone behind their backs. Has LuAnn seen this show? Why is it that Cat Ommanney AND Gayle King both told Andy Cohen that LuAnn is a big shit stirrer and a back stabber! I guess LuAnn thinks that if people are talking about her, it’s because she wears ridiculous ostentatious jewelry.
LuAnn presents Ramona with Jill’s gift of the freakin Koala bear as if it’s an olive branch to excuse both Jill’s and LuAnn’s bad behavior. Ramona is having none of it. Again, LuAnn brings up Cindy’s brother Howie which LuAnn has her dementia moment and forgets that she counseled Ramona on how to approach and when. Maybe that necklace LuAnn is wearing is cutting off oxygen to her brain? Who wears that stuff? Oh I forgot. Ostentatious jewelery is reserved for Royalty. Royal shit heads that’s who.
LuAnn is now trying to shame Ramona by asking her how she sleeps at night. I am sure there is no chapter in LuAnn’s book on how to shame people into getting your point across when it is not received. Now LuAnn says she is not fighting with Ramona while she says.. “God knows you put your foot in your mouth..” LuAnn is the most passive aggressive
Real Fake Housewife of all time!
Sonja is having a photo shoot in her home for her toaster oven recipe book that does not even exist yet. But first things first! Lets get some inspiration by getting dolled up and pose for pictures on your dining room table set with dinnerware. Kelly arrives to give some pointers to Sonja and Kelly can’t get over the fact that the photo’s are not toasterish. I kind of have to agree with her but who really cares? Sonja is totally enamored with the photographer so I guess ditching her undies for a more natural look is the way to score a date!
Kelly is trying to provide direction and can’t seem to adjust to Sonja’s style. As Kelly makes a suggestion for a pose, Sonja somehow flashes her ‘Britney” and Kelly lost her chit! She is shocked and appalled that Sonja has no underwear on and has to face the wall. Kelly was..
Really Kelly? You were so disgusted that you were forced to see what your own vagina looks like? Havent you ever taken a mirror to view your girly bits like it was suggested on “Fried Green Tomatoes?” I don’t believe you Kelly that you have never seen a womans vagina before! Or maybe you don’t have a vagina with those male abs you sport?
LuAnn, Kelly, Cindy and Jill are now traveling to a spa that Cindy had arranged and why is Sonja, Ramona or Alex not there? Of course with Ramona and Alex not present, this would be a great time to gossip about them. Cindy Barshop is like watching paint dry but we do get a bit of juicy gossip. Cindy purposely did not invite Sonja, Ramona and Alex because.. “She didn’t want to?” Does Cindy think that because she befriended Jill, this will get her viewing or fan points? NOPE. Cindy you are setting yourself up to get axed at the end of the season and I hope I am a good predictor. Please god.
Kelly starts dishing on Sonja’s photo shoot at the lack of a toaster present and tells the girls in a muffled voice that she saw … wait for it.. Sonja’s vagina! No one could hear her and now they have to pry it out of her which made her crawl up like a little girl and hide her face!
Kelly is profusely blushing while the other women can’t believe she has lived such a sheltered life. Ok, Kelly has posed nude for Playboy, must have at least once opened a Playboy magazine to see what she was getting herself into? She has modeling experience and am pretty sure quick changes for runway modeling does somehow enable you to see nude models inadvertently? I think LuAnn, more than anyone is shocked because it appears she has seen many a vagina’s and I want more details on that.
I need to send this piece of artwork to Kelly to trigger her memory. I know damn well she has been to this particular art studio and I have proof! She has studied various Vajayjays!!!
The conversation switched from Sonja’s vagina to Ramona because if Sonja is displaying any bad behavior like flashing her ‘Britney”, it must be Ramona’s fault. LuAnn had made it clear, “Ramona can be such a diva bitch”. WOW Countess! Is that a classy thing to say? By no way should you confuse female dogs with Ramona who speaks her mind to your face and not behind your back! Um, LuAnn? Did you just speak behind Ramona’s back when you told her at lunch the day before that this is something you dont do? LuAnn, ask Jill how to explain that one since she is a master at it. Now LuAnn is stating that if Ramona doesn’t behave, she won’t be going on the Morocco trip. Not if Sonja has anything to say about it LuMann.
In the car, LuAnn and Kelly are having an intense conversation about how hard it is to live in the Hampton’s as pampered housewives who married old men. I have no words.. The conversation goes to Kelly not having the ability to meet any men who are not “sharks, bottom feeders and the minnow’s”. I truly believe if Kelly possessed a few brain cells to rub together, she might find a man who would be interested in Kelly Land eating lollipops and gummi bears and doing cart wheels on the beach.
Kelly now discloses the fact that she has been abused by men using their hands or wrists. LuAnn is shocked and comforts Kelly. Jill and Cindy are in the backseat being quiet as church mouses. Kelly and LuAnn have a moment and embrace but I am wondering if anyone else but me remembers that she attacked a boyfriend at her home and was arrested for assaulting said boyfriend? And convicted? I won’t touch this one with a ten foot pole. This certainly is not a subject to joke about but I have a problem believing anything Kelly says or does. She is also the same person who said Ramona text messages to her were threatening and Bethenny Frankel wanted to kill her with knives. Hey.. Just saying..
The girls arrive to the Canyon Ranch Spa and are greeted with gifts and LuAnn is mortified that Jill opened her gift IN THE HOTEL LOBBY!! REALLY DAHLING!! Oh LuAnn, you give me too much material to snark on.
At the Ranch, the girls go to some kind of drum class that release’s the toxicity from your pores and I don’t think they didn’t bang hard enough on the drums. Did anyone else notice that LuAnn is wearing another big and bulky necklace to this class? Oh god.. LuAnn just became a self-professed large jewelry wearer. This is ridiculous and boring.. lets move on.
Back to the city and Ramona, Sonja and Alex are visiting a dermatologist Dr. Sharon Geise. Did I tell anyone that last week when I mentioned the Dentist Cindy went to, Dr Marc Lowenberg, he actually started to follow me on twitter? NO LIE! Maybe now I will get a follow from Dr Sharon as well. The girls get a consultation and get some minor work. It appears Alex’s face is a bit caked with foundation and the person working on Alex is not happy to have to do such a cleaning. lol
What is interesting to me is that Sonja said her doctor who did her lipo suction told her she needs to do a little exercise after her procedure but said she never got around to it. How come every time Sonja meets someone for lunch, she claims to of just leaving the gym? I think my theory above is the answer.
Back at the Ranch, the ladies are having dinner and the conversation quickly goes to Ramona. Again. Why is Ramona taking more heat than usual? Does someone have to be the red-headed step child for every season? Well then again, what would I write about? We are talking about vagina’s again and I think Bravo should of changed the title of this episode from “Travel Reservations” to “The Vagina Monocles” or “Crack Ass Shit Stirrers”. Kelly now brings up her abuse from her past and tells them that she was scared to death to go on this boring trip with these boring ladies because she is fragile. Really Kelly? I can’t.
Kelly is surely using Ramona as an excuse not to go to Morocco for fear of people catching her firing up her crack pipe. Sonja will certainly detect the smell of cat pee again.
Back to the city and Jill is hosting a charity event for “Bullying”. Cause everyone knows Jill has been so bullied via the internet that she hired detectives to identify the perps and hired assistants to go through Lynn Hudson’s twitter account to make sure that anyone who was following Lynn would be blocked from Jill’s twitter account. How do I know this? Because I was one of the people blocked!! NO LIE! Jill then sent her paid minions to attack anyone who followed Lynn at the time and it was the most hysterical march of the wooden block head soldiers raid in twitter history!
Alex is helping out Jill produce the swag bags for the charity event and Alex is instructed to stuff LuAnn’s CD’s in the swag bags. Jill is so pleased that LuAnn donated the CD’s but seriously, what is a woman to do with a garage filled with many cases of CD’s that never really sold? And here we go again, the subject goes right to Ramona who Jill is “not happy” that she is coming but will put up with it since Ramona paid $200 bucks to the anti Jill Bullying via Internet cause. I KID I KID! Bullying has become an issue for teens and kids but I am wondering why on Jills blog and on the show we don’t know the name of the charity the money is going to? On Jill’s blog she promotes Zarin fabrics and her book but nothing about this charity? Just askin?
Jill is projecting that Ramona will bully her at her anti bullying event. Lots of martini’s are being served and Ramona comes in with a case of wine that she says Jill’s assistant requested. Ramona says hello to Jill and Jill wanted to discuss not discussing what should have been discussed already. Jill is now projecting that the plane ride to Morocco will be stressful and she would rather
“pick her nose”.
I do believe that Jill will pick her own nose since I am sure that Ginger won’t be on the trip to Morocco do that for her.
LuAnn arrives and I am like ugh. Please, I am so tired of LuAnn and this whole episode with her and the Countess Ways and I can’t take much more of her.
I think I would rather have Ginger pick my nose too.
LuAnn gives her air kisses and goes straight for Ramona by complaining that Ramona wants to keep a designer all to herself. Then says, “It’s a bitchy thing”. Geez LuAnn, I am going to start a petition to remove your Countless Crown and replace it with a pile of steamy hot wreaking CHIT! This woman is on my last nerve and I am tired of typing her freakin name.
LuAnn says Ramona is so “Nasty” for not allowing her to wear Ramona’s exclusive designer! I guess LuAnn wants to walk in the next fashion show? How petty is this for me even to recap this garbage. Oh Crap. I am gonna get all Jersey on LuAnn now.. LuAnn now tells Ramona that she just spent a weekend with the girls and they don’t even want to go on the trip because Ramona is coming. Also letting Ramona and Alex know that they were not invited. Who is a bitch now LUMANN!! P.S. LuAnn, you have some hairs on your uppa lip, get that waxed! Your true gender is showing!
LuAnn is now telling Ramona that she did not follow her instructions to the letter to call Jill and apoligize or fix things. Who died and made LuAnn the boss? If shooting my tv screen would allow me to put LuMann out of her hairy lipped misery, I would sacrifice my 64 inch flat screen! I SWEAR!
Even Alex tries to tell LuMann that she is being negative and picking a fight.
FINALLY!!! LuMann is the “Thug in a cocktail dress!!”
LuAnn just wont stop talking and attacking and Ramona truly stayed calm. It’s almost as if LuAnn tried to get Ramona worked up to point the finger at her to show Jill that she wanted to ruin this event. LuMann is a really a crafty bitch.
LuAnn claims she is not gossiping by telling Ramona what others had said about her and claiming she is not getting in the middle between Ramona and anyone who might have a problem with her. HYPOCRISY!
Off with her head!
LuMann is still railing on Ramona breaking every Countless Crash and Burn rules and now Ramona just plainly asks her if she now has to answer to the Royal High-Ass now and tells her not to get involved. Now LuMann is blaming this on Jill because she asked her and goes back to the designer issue. I think LuMann is toking on Kelly’s crack pipe now.
Jill and Ramona are debating on whether the Pinot was requested for drinking or for swag. I can’t take this anymore. WHO CARES?? Camera goes to LuAnn who sniffs the wine and rolls her eyes. Jill goes on that she already planned the meal and picked the wine. No you didn’t Jill. You are serving martini’s. No wine is there. Actually, in your blog you said that the caterers didn’t have enough wine glasses and had to use martini glasses for the wine. Get your story straight woman. I would never begrudge a case of wine.. NEVER! But I do prefer chardonnay 😉
Is this almost over? Finally the fashion show begins and Jill is ignoring it by talking about.. guess who? RAMONA!!! She is remarking that its pretty early in the day and Ramona is the only one with a glass of wine in her hand. Didnt we just see a ton of martini’s served? Jill is trying to make Ramona look like a boozer and at that moment pretending no alcohol is present.
Even LuAnn is on the plan to make Ramona look like a boozer by saying… “If you have to bring your own Pinot to a party, then there is an issue”. Once again, WAS RAMONA NOT ASKED TO BRING THE FRIGGIN WINE!!!! Crafty ladies, but we are not buying what you are selling.. Cause it smells like LuAnn’s hat and earring in the photo way above.
Ramona carefully approaches Kelly to try to arrange and hour with her and Sonja and Kelly divulges that she is afraid to go with her since what happened on skeary island. Ramona playfully tries to say, “Kelly I didn’t do anything to you” a few times and Kelly stops her in her tracks and explains that when Ramona herself is approached by her 16-year-old daughter, that she most likely would consider the feelings… of a CHILD! This totally confirms it for me. When Kelly was a child, someone stole her candy and her brain stopped developing at that very moment.
They agree to get along, I think, and they go on their merry way holding hands and skipping. Kelly offers Ramona some of her paste to eat but Ramona respectfully declines.
The luncheon is under way and Ramona is asking for wine glasses. Well, Jill did say that they already have wine paired with the meal so one would think that wine glass would have already been set on the tables right?
Jill introduces a speaker which is her step daughter who speaks on the topic of bullying based on her experience. Ramona appears to be pouring wine and I can tell she is a bit uncomfortable and distracts herself by pouring wine for people at her table. At the end of the speakers speech, Ramona leaves the room and Jill goes to find her. Ramona seems a bit out of sorts and tells Jill what an unbelievable speech that was and remarked on her inner confidence that maybe people didn’t notice the facial deformities? YIKES RAMONA!!!! I truly believe that Ramona tried to pay homage to the girl for her courageous efforts but Ramona lacks tact in expressing herself. Jill is obviously offended but truly Ramona didnt disparage the young woman but maybe was insensitive with her choice of words? It’s almost like you are not allowed to acknowledge the obvious or maybe not mention it? Sort of like whispering.. “cancer”? I would imagine this debate will go down at the reunion show. NO DOUBT!
The next three weeks we will be in Morocco and it will be a bloggers dream! I really do hope that it is LuAnn getting bucked on the camel. PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE!!!
I will see you guys in Morocco!! Buckle Up!! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!! We at least for LuMann on the Camel who does not appreciate the hair on her uppa lip!
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