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Bypassing Comedy Gold and Going Straight to Comedy Platinum

Posted by tinselkitty on February 10, 2011


Strap in, this one is going to be a bumpy ride. That’s what she said. No, really, within you will find Twitters, a real Kelly (authentic style), a fake Kelly (unauthentic style), and PR 103.

As recently as last week, Kelly’s Twitter account was @kikilet. I am sure you remember it well as it played host to such hits as –

and who can forget these –

but if you act now, you can also enjoy these classics –

Then a few days ago, Kelly posted this –

But somehow, some way, she managed to let go of @kikilet and now this random peep named Chris has it. Kelly issued an OFFICIAL KELLY tweet to warn all her loyal tweeterpants* about random peep Chris –

ALL TWEETERS.@kikilet is not kelly killoren bensimon.it is someone named Chris. dont hate the player @kikilet, hate the game.

Normally, as a responsible, journalistically-inclined Blogger (now with a capital B, self-knighted because I got tired of waiting for y’all to do it) who maintains the utmost credibility, I would have given you a screen-shot of this tweet. I mean, how else do you know I didn’t just type a string of words into the blog and try to pass it off as a Kellyism? With a screen shot you know it’s for realz because those are totally ‘shop proof. No one can doctor photos without serious, professional grade equipment.

I have been screen shot-blocked by the Kelly herself on this one, though, as she has deleted it from her Twitter. Why? What’s so bad about that tweet? I don’t get it but I’m not going to waste time by trying to figure out her motives.

In the meantime, our peep Chris is proving him/herself to be smarter than the average bear and has begun tweeting to great hilarity –

@kikilet Oh aren’t you just so kkbenevolent. Let the NYKnicks know that you do all you can for the homeless #twoboxesofcheerios#nutnhoney

@Intensity38 Belated so so sorry to hear this Intensity awful story. The rugburn is insult 2 injury. Know you’re loved&cared for. XO

@ACrankyOldBroad Lets ask Zolciak. Another cringer: “I have integrity.” Kikilet loves that 1.

@Bravolebrity1 BravoAndy sent me a DM once in re: a tweet about my pref for a colonoscopy/rootcanal over watching MMM.#mybrushwgreatness

@Bravolebrity1 @anthroboi He didn’t defend her at all. It simply said, “Now thats funny” Then he unfollowed me quick. LOL

@Bravolebrity1 Hope they can her caustic ass, Would love more 9bydesign and the Art show. And more Tabitha. Shes great.

@d_reemz I wish he’d let kikilet have it like he did Camille. Exasper8ing to watch.

@tayloratweets Your lips need a breast reduction. Or at the very least, a brar.

@PutYourHairUp Too too good. PutYourHairUp and PickUpThatOscar

@RealOldHouswife ROH this just makes my heart soar. And we wont forget @KimGranatell aka “TheInstigation” road trip thru “AuntJemimaLand”

Hiyeeeee!!!!!! I have an amaaaaaze new name. And integrity. So hawt!!!!!

All props go to my pal @babelony for the suggestion. Does this mean I hve to mke typos & writ about how i cr8ed grate life & lovee livin it?

I’m gonna hafta change my propic. I’m not making Johan face : (

@DJLoopsFruit Ditto Deej Miss u. Areya watchin RuPaulDR? Have a fave yet? I miss JuJuBee&PandoraBox&Raveneventhoughshescunty LOL

I hope I can do justice to kkbensimon. Thats a mighty big straight-jacket to fill…

@DJLoopsFruit Yes Shangela likes to mix it up. Gotta love it. She was throwin it down in the IllusionsLounge last week. LOL

@DJLoopsFruit I live to hear Ru say “The time has come 4u2 lipsync for your liiiiiifffffe”

@DJLoopsFruit And dont fuck it up

@Bethenny @MccordAlex @SimonVanKempen Please update your rolodexes. My crack tech team has given me a new twittername. Sooo muchhh funnn

@Bethenny I’ve got to get this off my manly chest, I’ve always had a mad crush on you. That whole I’m up here/youre down here thing? I wiish

@auntannmarie1 Have you seen that geezer? i desreve every dime. Don’t hate me cuz I’m snart. Wear loveeee

@anthroboi Thats soooo flattering. Just like when i got my mostcharityaward in my area. Flattered. Loveee uuuuu

@anthroboi Ooof. That Zac Pozen dress is part of the ecosystem? Is that better? #dumbitwaaaaydown

@H8Yankees I know Yanker. I feel so freeee. Like when a butterfly comes out of the platoon. I lovee my lifeeee

I want to thank all the ppl that have sent acknowlegments. But now I must medicate myself for using a big word like acknowlegments#owmyhead

@RitaFarbulous If you had it like this you wouldn’t give it away. Or is it couldn’t? Whatevs. Lovee youuu Byeeeee!!!!

@Jillousy1 Jilllllyyyyy Loveeee uuuu I’m making lemons right noww. Do what u love and the support check will comeee.

@BravoAndy Me and Scary Island? Thats like a perfect foil. Go ahead and show that unaired footage of my breakthru. I can take it#likeaman

@julie_slp Just clicked them keys and kikled me. Apparently not every1 is happy w the change. Wah Wahhh (DebbieDowner noise)

@anthroboi I miss Tahini too. Gilles and I went there on our honeymoon.

@Linka__ Back off Stinka. Hes the most famous photog in the history of the world and he picked me. How flattering is that?

@Bravolebrity1 Feels so right now, not Mr. Right now.

I miss you Max Max. No one ever said “You remind me to da Pink Panther” quite like you. Be my valentine. Don’t care that you poked Sonja.

@OceanDriveMag Sorry I cant make it to the photo shoot tomorrow. I’ve got a huge heinous zit on my chin. Impossible to airbrush. Later

@ericstern1141 Quit trying to get into to my amaze Rogan jeans. And tell my damn kidlets to give me my phone back.

I want to thank every1 who sent attalunatic messages to me today. I appreciate you all that took the time to do that. luv&rainbows

@Bravolebrity1 LOL thx Peb. Beats that damn Jackhole I usually get. I’ll put it next to my area charity trophy. So proud.

@anthroboi I’m having my frontal lobe removed tomorrow in an effort to stay in character. #nomorepeskybrainwaves

This is a public service announcement…..For those who want to follow TheAholeFormerlyKnown as kikilet, pls go to @kkbensimonThat is all.

Somewhere around this time, Kelly got her knickers in a knot –

Chris seemed to have been scared off for awhile (yeah, right) but was unable to resist the siren’s song and posted this –

Ooof. Alot of tweeterpants from NegativityTown. Why so angry? Life is short. Fun is short. And in literature, the messenger gets killed. Ok?

Which means that now Kelly has to take time out of her very busy day to set her twoops straight –

Well, looky there. Who is that first responder? That’s right. Shit stirring instead of respectably Blogging (with a capital B) this hot, hot news. Now do you see why I have to take on the bulk of Blogging (with a capital B)? ImaJustSaying can’t keep her tweethole shut long enough to maintain any journalistical integrity. She doesn’t understand what I mean when I tell her she’s too close to the story. Hey, IJS – you’re supposed to reporterate, not instigate.

One of her twoops has a valid question –

But the twoops are still confused –

Kelly’s now got this bunch in her panties that she just can’t shake loose. She should call Taylor and ask her about that professional wedgie fixer that Taylor takes with her whenever there’s a possibility of sticky buttcrack. According to Twitter lore, the next step in escalation is to include a pic –

Do you suppose it never occurred to her to just get @kikilet verified?  Thankfully, a brave twooper steps in to “have her back”. 3,000 miles away, Kyle seethes with back-having jealousy –

If Kelly’s not going to quit, why should Chris? This is what I call proper use of Twitter –

Don’t pack those furs away just yet Tweeterpies.There’s still a nip in the air. Nothin a chic fox carcass can’t fix. #styletip #todiefor

@kkbensimon kindly call your clones back to the coven. They’re creepy. They’re like Eeeet Eeeet Eeeet & I’m like Unghh Unghh Unghh. Gross.

This account is not in any way connected to @kkbensimon or @kikilett I’m reporting this to WudupDetectiveAgencytwitterdivision ASAP.

Been tryin to respond to all my replies but I can’t keep my hands outta my hair. You wouldn’t either if you had it like that.

@WoodRN Thank youuuu thats sooo flattering. I am sooo honored.#stayinvestedandkeepmylameassrelevant

Tweeterboos I’m a lil *hic* tipshy. Threw back a few kookades evn though I don’t drink. EVER *burp* Hey Chrish-H8 u more than Befanny Bish

@anthroboi Read again handshom. Could nev forget you. Beshides, I;m drunk sho I made my asst do all that kishyface/feelingsh shit for me.

The lesson here, peeps, is that you never, ever, give up a Twitter handle, especially when you tweet at a Kelly level. You know, up here while everyone else is down there. Consider this PR 103.

Every one of you owes me for this.

 

*Not my word, that one’s all Kelly, all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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11 Responses to “Bypassing Comedy Gold and Going Straight to Comedy Platinum”

  1. Dani said

    Way too convoluted for me but what stands out through all of that is how delusional Kelly can be. She truly lives in her own world.

  2. Mrs. Hugh Jackman said

    @1 Dani, HI! Krazy Kelly really does live in a world…land…I’ve never seen before. Thank goodness. LOL.

  3. BobLHead said

    She really looks like a tranny in this pic!

  4. Dy said

    Yep Dani..Gotta agree convoluted,and I’ll add stupid,too.

    Ok, she changed her twitter name, didn’t let the old one die out, dumb but big deal.
    Some one picked it up that quick to pretend they are Kelly to say dumb stuff on twitter?, sorry I think that is pretty weird.
    Just like I think it’s weird for anyone to pretend they are some kind of Bravolebrity( or someone from their family) on twitter. Weird, pretty weird. Just my opinion no one has to agree.

  5. Dani said

    Hi MHJ, Dy, and BobL,

    I have to admit I don’t have the patience for twitter. I just find it exhausting trying to read the back and forth. Maybe it would be different if I was more familiar with it but I don’t have the motivation. Guess I am not the most techie person in the world.

  6. This was hysterical last night.. I was gonna post about it but I got too busy.. lol

  7. G-sus said

    Kelly really does need multiple twitter accounts, one for each of her personalities.

    Hey BobL, getting ready for a heat wave here next week. It’s gonna be in the 40’s! People here will be wearing shorts and eating lunch outside.

  8. Rosie said

    Hi G.. Lmao. That’s funny.

  9. Dani said

    TK, I gotta give you props on your hard work. Don’t know how you have the patience to filter through all that info. You are a braver soul than I.

  10. […] Bypassing Comedy Gold &#1072nd Going H&#959n&#1077&#1109t t&#959 Comedy Platinum « Tv … […]

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