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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills HALF CAP, NO FOAM – Reunion 2

Posted by tinselkitty on February 2, 2011


That’s just a shit-eating grin if I ever saw one, Andy. You’re pooping money right now, aren’t you?

Marathon post warning – I’m doing this sucker in two parts, too. I thought this episode was pretty boring but apparently I found a lot to pick out. Let’s get going.

Finger pointing #1

The carousel has come back around to the fight. You know the one. What does Camille thinks Kyle has done to her reputation? “She said this one word delusional and it just kept going and going and going and going and everything that I read…” Kyle doesn’t know another word for I say one thing and you hear another. I can help you with this, Kyle. Misunderstanding. As a bonus, let me give you some other words that I think might be helpful for you. Done.  Over. Put to bed. Give it a rest. Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

Camille, you’re not off the hook, either.  It wasn’t Kyle’s use of the word delusional that made us think you were delusional. It was your own behavior. Kyle said it, we heard it and matched it up to your actions. You’ve since admitted straight up that you probably heard it that way due to your frame of mind at the time. Let.It.Go.

Hand to god, if this argument creeps its way into season two I’m gonna be irritated as all get out. I might even write a strongly worded letter. I’m thinking Q. It’s strong. Rounded all around with a kickstand. That’s powerful, right?

Andy remembers Kim again and finally asks her what happened. Kim gives pretty much the same story as Kyle’s kept to. Andy asks if she’s ever seen Kyle like this before. Is Kyle a bully? After a bit of thought, Kim hesitantly says no and then stammers out “not, not normally. I’ve never seen Kyle be a bully before. I’ve seen her…”

“I’ve seen her bully you.” There you go, Camille. If you want to rehabilitate your image, how about you befriend Kim? Real friend, Camille, not a financially motivated relationship. And you can’t do it just to piss of Kyle. But you just stuck up for Kim and showed some goodness. Take that and run with it.

Lisa jumps in to defend Kyle. She’s not a bully and she won’t let her have that label. I believe Lisa. Kyle doesn’t treat Lisa the same way she treats Kim. What I want to know is how often she is around both Kim and Kyle at the same time. Is she basing her claim on hours and hours of interactions with both of them or is she basing it on what she’s heard from her friend Kyle? If she’s only going off of second hand information from Kyle then she doesn’t have the proper objectivity to make such a claim. That would be akin to listening to the cigarette companies telling you their products are safe and that all those reports that are floating around are just haters trying to get back at the company because they are jealous of the company’s success.

Andy does a quick run through of the things Camille is blaming on others. It’s amusing to watch Andy be so careful about the words he’s getting ready to speak.

She blamed Kyle for bullying her and setting her up on the show. Response – She not going to say that, she’ll say she felt at times that she was being bullied.

She blamed the situation with Kelsey as putting a lot of pressure on you and kind of… Response – She doesn’t know if it’s a blame so much as it’s a fact. It did put a lot of pressure.

She blamed things taken out of context. Response – She just didn’t feel like her character was rounded out.

Is there anything she will take responsibility for? Well, yeah, there was this one thing, but oh, Allison said it first about Mauricio and the nanny. She’s known Mauricio for several years and he’s always been friendly. Friendly or flirty? Now Kyle’s pissed. Camille didn’t mean it that way, she meant it in a negative way and said it out of spite that night. Can she at least admit that?

Okay, yes. Maybe I did.

That’s right, slip in that maybe.

But Bravo took out her philanthropic work, her scenes with her kids, the stuff in Hawaii with Dedra. Whoa, Nellie, Cowboy Andy isn’t going to let you toss that last one in the editing bucket. That was the hot tub Jesus complex. At least Camille says it was ridiculous and pure stupidity.

Here’s the thing, Camille. You were on a reality show. This wasn’t a role. You were to show your life, albeit a more amped up life (assuming the producers do, indeed, recommend drama). You didn’t have any character to play other than your grown ass self. Just because you don’t get how these things work doesn’t mean we’re all idiots, too. Besides, if it was “just a character” and it wasn’t the real you, then why are you so upset that we hate “your character”? Why are you deleting your Twitter account and sobbing to your friends that we just don’t understand? If you were really creating a character and you managed to generate that much buzz, wouldn’t that be considered a success? I think it would. Which is part of what convinces me that you really did show us the real you. Seriously, if you are that bothered by it all, Hollywood isn’t the life for you.

 

Lounge Lizard Larry

Moving on. Finally we are getting the Cedric issue. Lisa was shocked by how Cedric turned on them, even though many people, especially Kyle, had warned her that she was being taken advantage of. No one wants to believe that, especially when that someone seems to be such a loving, generous person. Sometimes we forget that other people don’t act like we do and it’s a shock when they round on you and do to you something you would never, ever do to anyone, especially not someone you’re close to.

 

We might also be able to extract that and apply it to Lisa’s firm belief in Kyle’s virtue. I can’t imagine Lisa would ever treat a sister the way we’ve seen Kyle treat Kim. She might not be able to comprehend what their private relationship is like.

Lisa continues with telling us about Cedric’s 6:00am phone call and request to meet Ken at his office. Insinuations of extortion were made but Lisa would not discuss it. Lisa’s face is quite heartbreaking during the Cedric video. I’m mad at Cedric by proxy. You weren’t just getting paid in flowers and puppies, asshole. You were living free in a big ass mansion, eating their food, driving their cars and going to their parties. What do you need money for? Everything is being paid for. You are behaving like an entitled teenager. Adrienne says she thinks work is a four letter word for Cedric. If any of the other ladies had said that I would have dismissed it but when Adrienne disses your work ethic? Well, that tells us a lot.

I wonder if Lisa knew this video was coming or if it was a surprise. Either way, she was much more charitable in talking about him than I think he deserved, even cutting herself off when she started pinning labels on him.

Kyle, one of the people who signed up for a reality show, slams Cedric for wanting his 15 minutes.

Interruption by Taylor to ensure some screen time #1 – “Amazing how people who want to speak to the tabloids, or have stories to sell, are the people who really know nothing.”
ORLY, Taylor? What about when those stories are true? What about when they don’t get paid anything, they just dislike you so much they want to get their two cents in when they see you traipsing around claiming you are a Ford from Oklahoma? Oh, wait, this wasn’t about you, my bad. I’m sure you were only speaking of Cedric and not using the Cedric fiasco as a chance to promote your own agenda. Well, since you brought it up, I need to see your papers proving you’re a Ford or I’m calling Phaedra.

Lisa brings up his obsession with the paparazzi and Kyle jumps in to drop Paris’ name and let us know that Paris was at her birthday. Cedric, apparently, would just not get out of Paris’ frame. I mean, doesn’t he know who he is? These ladies are stars, they deserve paparazzi coverage. I swear, it is so obnoxious when no name peasants try to behave as if they are part of our celebrity elite. Know your place, you god damned plebes. Here’s a clue, it’s not in front of a camera.

 

Still trying to get the image of Lounge Lizard Larry out of their heads.

Crap, another Taylor montage. At this point I really don’t even want to hear her talk at all. Kyle, of course, gets all choked up for Taylor’s marriage. This was a prearranged distraction by Kyle to allow the makeup guys time to rush over and fill Taylor’s eyes up with fake tears. Aaaaaaaaaaand, now she’s all teary eyed. You see, there’s definitely love there (of money) and maybe there’s been some inattentiveness (to exactly how much money she spends) and work and children and other priorities sometimes get in the way (of shopping) and these are all sad, sad things.

 

So, as all sorts of married folk do when their marriage is on shaky ground, Russell and Taylor took off to Mexico so they could have some good talks. As Kyle points out, they really need to talk more. Communication is key. You know what else is sometimes the key? Divorce. Not that I would wish it upon anyone, but let’s be real. Not every relationship can be saved just by talking more. Especially lately, it seems like that’s the go to advice for anyone having issues. Just talk about it. Let him know how you feel. That’ll make it all better. I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade, but I’m going to be straight with you and tell you it’s not a magic cure-all. Then again, I’m talking about real people with real marriages, not plastic people in sham marriages so maybe my advise is misplaced.

Lisa has no advice to give Taylor, really, because she’s never been able to warm up to Russell. He comes across as very cut off. I sure wish Andy had asked Russell about that when the men come out later. Whoops, spoiler alert. The men will be out later. I hope I didn’t just ruin it for anyone.

Camille comes right at her from a different point of view, understandable given her past year. She advises Taylor that she needs to be happy and do things for herself. I think that’s what all the shopping and spending money and birthday parties are for, no?

Kim speaks up (yay!) and mentions that Taylor and Russell seem very distant. Taylor actually leaned forward on the couch and paid attention while Kim spoke. At first I thought that was a very polite thing to do and that Taylor was actually listening for advice from Kim. The cynic in me woke up, though, and has since informed me that I was wrong and that Taylor was madly scribing mental notes with which to blast Kim at a later time.

 

She married me because I said it was this big.

Now it’s time for the hubbies to do their song and dance. Sorry again for that spoiler above. Another round of “hello, Andy” is played and I grit my teeth from the fingernail/chalkboardness of it all. Hells bells, Andy, it just makes you seem like one of those uptight, old lady schoolteachers that makes the class say “good morning, Mrs. Sourpuss” every morning. Nobody meant it. We were all secretly wishing Mrs. Sourpuss had a shittastic morning.

 

A softball is tossed out to Paul first, which I personally found to be quite offensive, given Paul’s predilection for getting his nose broken. Really, Andy, try to be more sensitive! Paul is asked why he thinks Adrienne is always critical of him. Turns out, they like bickering, they think it’s fun and it’s how they get along. I can totally see that. Some couples find great intimacy in joshing around, and I imagine that is especially true with Adrienne. She grew up with brothers so she’s accustomed to that way of showing affection, plus, I’ve noticed she doesn’t behave that way with any of the ladies. This is something she seems to reserve for Paul.

Next up is a pre-nup question. Paul and Adrienne sure do have one. Lisa says they didn’t exist 30 years ago when she and Ken got hitched. Kyle pipes in about how she and Mauricio didn’t need one. Huh? How is that, exactly? The wording on that one makes my hamster wheel spin. I suppose she could have meant it in the romantic way of oh, we didn’t need one because we’ll be together forever la di di la, but the way she said it sounded like she was saying they were both broke when they got married. Perhaps I am just hypervigilant to the nuances of Kyle’s speech by now.

Andy wants to know what it was like for Russell to see Taylor talking to Kyle about their relationship. Tinselkitty wants to know why Andy assumes Russell even watched the show. I could see him as one of those guys that really doesn’t care and only watched it after a bunch of people started asking him about it. He’s toeing the same party line as Taylor: life gets in the way, we need to communicate, other priorities, yada yada yada. I’ll bet all that Mexican communication could also be described as getting their stories straight.

What about when Russell heard Taylor say she was concerned that he might trade her in for a 20 year old? Russell quips back that he doesn’t have the energy for a 20 year old. Sleeping cynic arises once more to point out that Russell didn’t mention anything about how much he loves Taylor or wants to be with Taylor, just that he can’t keep up with the kids these days. Which is also a bit of a sly dig on Taylor’s age.

Meanwhile, Mauricio’s getting nekkid lady pictures sent to him by hot ‘n bothered fans. I am sure Kyle’s keeping a list of each and every person doing this and will be confronting them should she ever meet them. I bet that list is laminated. And produced in multiple copies so Kyle could have one placed in each purse, ready to go at a moment’s notice. Russell asks Mauricio to forward a few. Ew. Find your own porn, Russell. Ken, not wanting to be left out, chimes in about the nekkid photos he’s received. From an 86 year old. Good graces, Ken, you are frikken adorable.

So is Mauricio still playing fast and loose with the Grammer real estate money? Yep, Camille is using him. Kelsey hasn’t but Camille is certain he will whenever he gets around to wanting to sell or buy something.

Camille’s pseudo-husband, Nick, doesn’t get to come to the set and play with the big kids, but we do get to watch a Nick montage. Here’s something I didn’t pick up on the first time around. When Camille and Nick are playing tennis, why does Nick get all flustered at Camille’s insinuation that he has big balls? Guys don’t really care about the size of those, too, do they? What’s the fuss there?

How about Tricia, Nick’s wife? What does she say about the show and the way it was portrayed? Camille does admit that after watching it and seeing the way it was all portrayed, she was getting upset. Interesting, given the brave face she put on for the Camille’s the Best rally from a few weeks ago.

Does Camille think it’s appropriate to kiss a married man on the lips? Camille isn’t so sure on this one. Finally, she guesses not, but she does kiss both Nick and Tricia on the lips. I’m going out on a limb, here, and betting that Camille doesn’t kiss Tricia the same way she kisses Nick, or at least how we’ve seen her kiss him on the show. Although, if she does, that might be why Nick hangs around so much…

Interruption by Taylor to ensure some screen time #2 – “I would kiss Kyle on the lips!” which was followed by an excellent comeback from Andy with, “We’ve established that.” Did anyone else get the vibe that Andy was getting irritated with Taylor?

Andy wants to know if Nick, being friends with Kelsey, too, knew what Kelsey was doing. Camille believes he might have known Kelsey was planning on leaving.

 

Ken is showing his pastafarian colors with a special shout out to the sparkly crew.

Thankfully, we get to hit up Ken some more before the guys leave. How does he feel about hearing Lisa talk about only having sex twice a year? In true Ken form, he tells us felt terrible because she was lying. They have sex three times a year, damnit, and she’s purposely leaving out Valentine’s Day. It’s unbelievable that she would miss out Valentine’s Day.  Lisa assures us that Christmas was phenomenal and the earth moved and it lasted all of a couple of puffs and a big grunt. Being the near perfect husband, Ken whips right back with “oh, was it that long?”

 

Andy does a horrible segue from giggling about sex to Cedric. Great, Andy, way to give them a sex/Cedric association. Ken tells us that he was floored about how it all went down and that the storming away came out of left field. Ken does confirm that Cedric made out that he was going to make things up about them. Ken babbles on a bit longer but my head is lost in wondering where, exactly, one can find a Ken of their very own. He is so protective of Lisa and obviously loves her with great passion. Ken and Lisa Vanderpump, Extraordinaire, you are never allowed to break up. Sorry, I really need this one. You must maintain it for the rest of your lives. Help me Vanderpump-Kenobi, you’re my only hope.

See, Taylor, that’s how you are protective of someone. Learn it, live it, love it.

Stay tuned for part two of part two. Part two, squared?

 

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10 Responses to “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills HALF CAP, NO FOAM – Reunion 2”

  1. BobLHead said

    Holy Ceiling Cats TK! I noticed his lapel pin, but totally failed to recognize the Pastafarian shout out…maybe because I was a Rastafarian during the show?

  2. BobLHead said

    Would that make me a Pasta-Rasta-farian?

  3. Bryan said

    @2 Bob,That’s not what that means, it means he’s a pirate, no not a butt pirate, just a regular pirate.

    YO HO!!!!

  4. BobLHead said

    Clearly, you are not familiar with my religion. Pirates are the chosen people of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Geez….get with the program B!

  5. Bryan said

    @4 Bob, when the Rigatoni, monsters comes into play let me know, I prefer it.

  6. Dy said

    Lady Lisa needs to stop speaking for people..She also needs to stay out of the Richards sisters business just as Tay Tay does.Those two could take a lesson from Adrienne.

    Ken has been wearing that pirate pin( or others like it) all season on the lapel of all his suit jackets/ blazers.

    I thought Camille did a good job,and came off well,as did Kim.

    Kyle has a little bit of a Yenta in her, rein it in, not a good look on her.

    Tay Tay..Ugh!

    Adrienne..Love. she doesn’t butt in/ interupt..Class

  7. Bryan said

    He’s a pirate!!!, He has a pirate yatch!

  8. wildheart said

    I still cannot stand troutmouth! Adrienne conducts herself well, Ken is adorable and I agree with Dy, Lisa needs to stay out of other peeps bizness.

    May I just say what a truly fabulous recap! Excellent points, especially about troutmouth and russell’s marriage.

  9. Bryan said

    He’s a pirate!!!!

  10. Mrs. Hugh Jackman said

    1. I always thought Lisa held Kim & Kyle…their relationship…with the utmost respect. I think she wanted them (wants them) to work things out. I think she has their best interest at heart. However, with recent things she has said, I think she’s prejudice because she’s so close to Kyle.

    2. I never thought that Taylor had Kim’s best interest at heart. Taylor is ALL about Taylor.

    I like Lisa fine. Always have. I think she’s smart, funny as hell, but doesn’t always have a filter. I find her humor funny. However, what I THINK is not always what I so freely express as Lisa. In fact, I keep certain thoughts to myself. Always have, and always will. For instance, with the Taylor and the cotton candy remark I thought the exact same thing. How could I not. How could anyone watching not. I admit, I would make that comment to my sister or best friend OR hubby in PRIVATE, but not for America to hear. Difference in personalities I guess.

    Here’s my main beef with Lisa. She has had a tendency to poke her nose into Kim/Kyle’s business to the point of enough already. Yes, Kyle fills Lisa’s ears with her version(s), but that’s where it should stop. Lisa doesn’t need to get (so) involved. It’s between the sisters. I thought I’d never hear myself say this, but Lisa did make me uncomfortable when she was pushing Taylor at the lunch (that Taylor interrupted) to talk to Kim, etc. I think Lisa was great to call Taylor out early on. Ok. Fine. Great! However, I think she should have stepped back then. Lately, she’s been getting too damn involved, and I don’t think she needs to be saying anything to Kim. Back away Lisa. Kim and Kyle are sisters, AND two grown women. There’s caring and being helpful, and then there’s MEDDLESOME. Lisa, you don’t know ALL of the background story anyway. You mainly have Kyle’s version(s).

    Lisa, don’t let that (sometimes) know-it-all attitude of yours get the best of you. Take some steps backwards, and let Kim and Kyle work it out.

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