Real Housewives of Atlanta RECAP – The Bride and the Doom
Posted by tinselkitty on January 31, 2011
A small departure today as I have something very important to say and I really feel it needs to be above the jump so anyone with even the smallest connection to Bravo can see it easily.
I DO NOT WANT TO SEE NENE POPPING UP IN BEVERLY HILLS. IT IS NOT ZONED FOR BLOOP.
If ever there was a time to start a petition, this would be it.
So, Lawrence can sing, Kim can’t. Who was shocked to hear Nene point that out for us? No one? Not even way in the back? Okay, let’s move it right along, then.
Nene’s feeling good these days because she’s got all the drama out of her life. Kim was the last piece of the puzzle. That means, if I go back and check, Nene, I’m not going to find you involved in any drama between the time filming wrapped and now? Gosh, that just seems so hard to believe.
This season showed us a wonderful relationship with Lawrence and Sheree. According to her, they are indeed besties, although she did stop short of saying 4ever and ever. Anyway, because they are so close, there wasn’t any way Sheree was going to miss Lawrence’s show. Doing some basic math in the form of an if/then statement – if Sheree wasn’t going to miss Lawrence’s show because that’s her friend, then Sheree missed Lisa’s fashion show because ________.
Cynthia’s got two days to go till the wedding. It was cute to see her big wedding board behind her in the living room. Mallory and mom are there to help control the inevitable meltdown that is de riguer for brides. Cynthia is $3000 short for the liquor bill. Contrary to what she says later about the wedding license, this is actually the worst thing that can happen. Brides need booze. Guests need booze. Peter’s okay, as we will soon see, because he’s going to stock up beforehand. But everyone else really needs booze at a wedding. Or maybe that’s just me. And Kim.
Cynthia is considering a cash bar but Kithe is sooo not having it. I’m not sure what say he has in it, really, since he also doesn’t have $3000 for Cynthia to pay for the bar. When Mallory pipes in with the fact that she’s never seen Cynthia broke before, the warning bells that have been surrounding this union start clanging a little louder. This seems like a big deal, no? Cynthia’s managed her money well her entire life and now, not so much? Mallory has no doubts that Cynthia can make more money but she thinks Cynthia is taking on all of the burden. Then we hear the Cynthia utter some chilling words – she doesn’t think she can depend on Peter because whenever she does she falls on her face. First, a model really needs to be not falling on her face. Career suicide right there. Second, she’s been traipsing around all these years without falling on her face and now, not so much? This pattern is crystal clear and I can only hope it’s courtesy of Bravo’s crack editing team. I like Cynthia and I hope her marriage is everything she was wishing for.
Pops calls at an opportune moment and Mallory urges Cynthia to ask him for the money. Dad hems and haws and tells Cynthia this is just a bad month for money because he’s been spending left and right. What’s the old adage about women marrying their fathers?
Phaedra’s finally returning to work but we only know that because she tells us. Seriously, this woman is always finished to the nines. I’m starting to wonder if she rolls out of bed in the morning in full makeup and hair. Don’t you find yourself wondering if she even owns a pair of sweats? Phaedra’s come full circle from being tied down with this baby to crying because she’s having to leave him for the day. Ayden must have been squashing her heart instead of her bladder for those six months she was carrying him around. Now that he’s out she’s all full of love again.
Kim heads over the river and through the woods to Kandi’s studio. She’s been summoned to the principal’s office to get her scolding for getting one over on Kandi. Somehow Kim went around Kandi to speak directly to Focus and this just ain’t cool. I’m not really understanding what this conversation is about, but the take away is that Kandi feels like they are doing a bootleg business. You’d think with Kandi owning a clothing store she’d be aware that bootlegs are out and skinnys are in. Not jeggings, though. Those are just wrong.
Kim doesn’t want money crap getting in the way of their relationship. She’s got a great way to accomplish this goal – just don’t pay Kandi anything. Done and done. Who’s up next?
Ah, it’s Sheree, off to audition for a part in If These Hips Could Talk. Even though she didn’t know you auditioned in front of people, and even though she couldn’t do the part the way the casting team wanted her to do it, and even though she didn’t know you were supposed to play a part a certain way and not just how Sheree would do it, she got the part. Sheree’s got mad acting skills *coughnamerecognitioncough*.
Part of Nene’s drama free life includes yelling at Bryson to come downstairs and write down a list of things he’s got to do tomorrow. He’s had 90 days to get it together, or else. Bryson has elected to go with or else and this really does seem to be a wise choice on his part. When it comes right down to it, Nene isn’t go to kick his sorry butt out. Bryson may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he’s learned not to look the gift horse in the mouth. When mom asks what she can do to help Bryson get on the right path, his request is funding. Well, hell, Nene, I’d like some funding, too. If you’re going to just hand out money then I’m going to get in line. In the meantime, Nene’s going to let Bryson stay there until he can become independent. This is what you do when you want to be your child’s parent, not their friend. Some people (Kim) like to be friends with their children. Can you imagine? As if.
The wedding countdown marches on and it’s now just ten hours away. Kithe has arrived and is preparing for the day by having Cynthia’s mom make him breakfast. Mom’s stepped up and is paying the liquor bill. Speaking of liquor, Kithe notices Cynthia’s really stepped it up on the drinking and decides to reassure her that his car is full of gas and they can still skip town. Just off camera, Mallory is rushing to get Cynthia’s purse and Kithe’s keys but Cynthia decides to stay.
Sort of. We are now down to nine hours and Cynthia’s bolted. Mom comes to find her and talk her off the jungle gym ledge by crying and begging her to talk to her. After Cynthia’s safely on the ground again, Mom grabs the chance to tell Cynthia she’s not having a great feeling about this wedding. She’s already lived this life and she doesn’t want to see Cynthia have to go through it. At this point I’m wondering where all these people have been and why they haven’t said anything until now. In fact, we’ve seen many folks talking Cynthia into getting married. Mallory began the season nudging Cynthia into Peter’s line of fire. Leon spent time with her in the same park telling her she’s being too cautious and that she needs to stop running. No wonder Cynthia’s all twisted up over this shindig.
It’s now Nene’s turn to get yelled at to come downstairs and talk, this time to Greg. He’s poured two very full glasses of wine and has huffed and puffed all the way up the stairs from the basement to apologize. I could go over the whole conversation again but a) I’m sure you’ve already seen this fight before and b) I’m sure you’ll see it again. It might not have been/be with Greg but there’s no way you haven’t seen/won’t see Nene fight with someone. I will point out the wine glasses again. They were Zolciak full. Or Singer full. Pick your poison.
Tick tock, we’re down to six hours to wedding. This is the perfect time to find out there are no wedding bands. What the hell? Out of all the parts to a wedding, I would consider the bands to be one of the biggest must haves. Wedding bands are a very intimate thing. Long after the wedding has come and gone and Kim’s sobered up, the wedding bands will still be there. Plus, it was the only thing Peter was responsible for. Once again, I’m crossing my fingers for an evil Bravo edit.
Since the bus tour was was Sweetie’s first experience on the road with a singer, she was unaware of the importance of hiding the microphone before returning home. Kim got her hands on it and now can holler down Sweetie from three blocks away instead of just two. I’m sure Sweetie learned her lesson on that one.
Kim’s had her boobs done and is very happy with her newfound pillowy goodness. All signs point to her already being drunk as she is already lifting her arms above her head to curl her hair. Alcohol is a great pain killer, but only if you’re over 21, kids. Please consult a physician before you begin any alcoholic regimen. By reading this blog you have agreed to waive all rights. TV Time 101 is not responsible for anything, ever, and if you knew these bitches in real life you’d agree.
Whoowee, Kroy’s a hottie in that suit, dog. He’s so hot he made the ring not mean a thing. Didn’t Bravo used to pixelate the photo that is in Kim’s room?
Wedding time marches on. Makeup is getting done, hair is being pinned up and Peter’s finally run out of booze so it must be time to show up at Fernbank. Tony the wedding planner is not pleased, not pleased at all, that Peter is smashed. Hey, that means more booze for the guests, right? Tony tells Peter to stay. STAY. and rushes off to do something of great importance. Peter uses his freedom to take off in search of a vodka cranberry. In a light suit? Peter! This is no time for a red beverage. Clear drinks are your friends.
The gays are arriving and for once, Dwight is the most understated of the bunch. Derek J’s brought pearls for everyone and Sheree is toting a dude for each arm. Holy hell, the marriage license isn’t there! What to do, what to do? Holy hell, it wasn’t Nene sabotaging the wedding, it was Mallory! Finally, Bravo succeeds in a misdirection. Mom jumps in to talk her other daughter off the ledge and Cynthia is assured that the license has arrived.
Since there was no footage of Nene throwing a makeup fit, is this the reason for the delay?
Kim brought her own wine. Honestly, how does she get away with this shit? You know what? I am jealous of a housewife and it’s Kim. If I pulled half the crap she did I’d get called on it and end up running away with my tail between my legs. Kim pulls off the most obnoxious stunts and I don’t hate her for it. Those wigs must be made of Teflon.
The wedding is almost upon us so this is the perfect moment to get some guest reactions. Phaedra tells us there are a lot of fronters in Atlanta so she’s not surprised that Cynthia was able to pull off a million dollar wedding with just 50 cents.
Sheree gets her haughty on about it being nice but points out that you can definitely tell where corners were cut. We’ll look past her “we’ll love you no matter what, don’t have a big showy wedding just to impress people” speech just a few days ago in Miami, but I’m not going to pass up a chance to remind y’all about Sheree’s love affair with repo guys and foreclosure agents.
Dwight wonders where the flowers are.
Kim’s questioning if the wedding’s going to happen.
Kandi’s concerned and says “OMG, Cynthia ran.” Oh, Kandi. OMG is Kim’s thing. Have you paid her royalties on it? Don’t forget to factor in all those replays since it was included in a Bravo preview clip.
No worries, Cynthia arrives, looking stunning but a bit on the sad side. This is the moment we find out she is an excellent model because she comes down that big ass, spiral staircase in heels and a giant dress and barely touches the hand rails. Now, I watched this scene a couple of times and I couldn’t tell for sure – was there music?
Peter looks like he’s thanking the good Lord for Cynthia. Also, I like his bow tie.
Wedding stuff, high-as-a-Kithe introduces the couple, reception stuff. Nene wishes them all the best. Kim’s putting money on them not being together in a year. Dwight’s found someone gayer than him and his name is Derek. Derek’s pulled his fanciest buttons from his TGIFriday’s suspenders for this very formal occasion.
Dwight hasn’t been able to squeeze much screen time out of Phaedra so now is the time to make nice with the Nene. Mr. NotEnoughFlowers decides to use some of the few that are there to regift to Nene as a peace offering. Dancing is done, solidfying their relationship until the next blow out.
And that’s the season. What do our ladies have to say in parting?
Nene feels like she’s become someone she didn’t even know that she could become. Does she mean that in a good way (wow, look at how I’ve grown) or in a bad way (these bitches made me crazy)? Nene wants to move to LA and get her happy back. Once again, Bravo, she is not going to find her happy in Beverly Hills. Don’t even let her try.
Kandi wants to find her Prince Charming and have another child. Issues surrounding The Ring Doesn’t Mean a Thing are still unresolved so the song is still unreleased. Housewives fans everywhere do a happy dance.
Phaedra feels totally complete for the first time ever and she knows she can have it all. She’s proud of her post-baby body and her lactating breasts. Here’s to seven figures next year.
Sheree wants eight. Hell, go ahead and give her eight, Bravo. Then you can just turn right around and take it back from her. That’s how Sheree rolls. She’s having the best time of her life so no need to change the status quo, right? Sheree’s come out of her shell and is doing the things she wants to do. If this is coming out of her shell, what was she like before?
Kim’s in a great place and really loves Kroy. They did make a sticky sweet couple on WWHL. How cute was he being all complimentary and respectful towards Kim? He seems like a great guy. Good for Kim. I hope those two work out.
Cynthia is learning to separate romance from finance and remains happily married. I haven’t the heart to tell her that most of the people that I know that’ve managed to separate romance from finance have done so via divorce court.
Atlanta is done for another season. Just the reunion left and then we’re back in New York and Orange County. I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
35 Responses to “Real Housewives of Atlanta RECAP – The Bride and the Doom”
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.