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Meet a Real Housewife of Miami!

Posted by tinselkitty on January 31, 2011

Quick, first impressions, what do you think?

Yeah, whatever notion you just formed, go ahead and chuck it right out the nearest window. That’s not the housewife. That guy on the left? That’s the housewife.

For the love of all that is holy and good and right with the world, Bravo has seen fit (allegedly) to include Miss Elaine Lancaster in the upcoming Real Housewives of Miami. The Flying Spaghetti Monster himself has reached down with his noodly appendages and blessed me with this. Ah, the warm embrace of carbohydrates.

This is Miss Elaine Lancaster –

This is also Kim Zolciak’s wet dream. Hell, right now she’s my wet dream. Here’s Miss Elaine’s bio –

As if she stepped right out of the pages of a Jackie Collins novel, Elaine Lancaster is as glamorous and beautiful as any of the characters from Collins’ “Hollywood Wives”. In fact, Elaine took her name from Elaine Conti and Karen Lancaster, two fictional divas in that very book. As befitting a Collins’ novel, Elaine’s life has been filled with glamour, travel, celebrities, and a few twisted scenarios. One being the fact that the gorgeous Elaine Lancaster is a man when not performing.

The actor (James Davis) behind Elaine was born in Alabama and raised in Georgia, while Elaine was born in the lap of luxury, pampered by all, and spoiled rotten. Like the true diva she became, she managed to spend every dime thrown her way and yet she still yearns for more. Not just more jewels and designer fashions, but more of everything the world has to offer. Driven by the need to be in the spotlight, fame had to be hers, and the world became her stage.

And here’s what James Davis said about Miss Elaine in South Beach Magazine

“Elaine Lancaster is the illegitimate daughter of Burt Lancaster and Lana Turner.  The strength and social awareness of Burt Lancaster and the social graces, elegance and beauty of Lana Turner.  Elaine is a very elegant, very beautiful, very witty woman.  But at the same time, she can swig back beers with the best of them and get down on any level.”

Go on, click it and read the rest of the article. I swear it’s worth it, just for this quote alone: “Don’t put on the wig unless you can fight in it.” So far, Kim Z’s right on track, eh?

Speaking of Kim Z, a scroll through Miss Elaine’s photos is quite interesting. I think y’all will recognize the other faces in these shots.

Veddy, veddy interesting.

The always handy YouTube is here to give us a taste of Miss Elaine performing at Click –

I’m going to pause a moment here and speak directly to Kelly Bensimon. Just because Miss Elaine Lancaster went out without pants on doesn’t mean you can do it. You’re already wearing granny panties out in public and there is no need to take it any further.

Alright, now that you’ve seen Miss Elaine perform I’m going to give you this video. This right here is going to make your whole damn day.

At this point, Jill Zarin and Alexis Bellino are nothing more than housewives I have to put up with until I can get my groove on with Miami.

















37 Responses to “Meet a Real Housewife of Miami!”

  1. Dy said

    Love a good drag queen..Bring it!..

    WT…. is with this “flying spagetti monster”

  2. Dy said

    *spaghett( sorry) @ 1

  3. Bryan said

    He and his alter ego are fabulous, they will out HW all of them and She knows how to wear a wig, Kim Z take some lessons!

  4. Dy said

    oh this will be great Bryan, i swear.. remember when this was reported this past summer on rt.. we all got so freakin excited…ooo i can’t wait!

  5. Mrs. Hugh Jackman said

    Hi peeps! 🙂

    Oh, this will be great!

  6. Bryan said

    Yeah I wondering what was going on with this show, even mentioned it last night,now thanks to TK, we now know =)

  7. Dy said

    It was reported this summer on rt. We still don’t know anything of when it is going to start ,or if they started filming yet. This is just all out Elaine Lancaster 9 which is great)..Yea we talked about it yesterday Bryan, that is probably why Tinsel posted this.

  8. BobLHead said

    Hey Dy….I just read The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Montster, it’s quite funny. This guy made up a new “relgion”, FSMism or Pastafarianism. Every Fridya is a holy day where you should dress up like a pirate and eat lots of pasta.

  9. Dy said


    Who is this guy? Is he making fun of Italians eating pasta or what?

  10. Dy said

    @ Bob Never mind I just googled him / it whatever… I think it’s weird, but hey thats just me. lol

  11. Bryan @6 – I wrote this one up this weekend and set it to autopost to today. Then when I saw you mention it last night there was much “sonofabitch”ing ’round these parts. Quit scooping me, man!

  12. BobLHead said

    Oh it’s certainly weird Dy, but I find it funny!

  13. Dy said

    Yay, I guess you and Tinsel find him funny, thats cool..I just think it’s weird,I’m not crazy about that kind of stuff is all. lol

    @11 Really Tinsel?..Hmm

  14. Dy said

    * yea..( thats what i meant to say) sorry.

  15. Bryan said

    Dressed as a pirate and eating pasta? does he do anything else with it?

  16. BobLHead said

    He wrote a whole book about it…very funny, I was just breakin’ down to a bite sized piece. Kind of like cutting up spaghetti instead of twirling it.

  17. wykkyd said

    Hey everyone…Alrighty, then!!!! Can we have some fun now?!?!?

    I watched the entire series of the A-List on Logo. Such a serious, melodramatic bunch! Maybe it was just a NYC-thing. With this, we’re headed south & hopefully to a tropical state of mind (all those vibrant colors, you see).


  18. Bryan said

    @16, Ewwwww what kind of lunatic does that, if you cant twirl your spaghetti, stick to pasta’s like rigatoni, penne, bow ties, I actually prefer them to be honest easier on the shirts and I dont have to use a napkin as a bib.

  19. Bryan said

    @17 those queens needed to be slapped, we have enough to deal with without those kind of clowns. Third Reichen is the worst, he is worse then Cedric. If they ever do another A list bring it to San Diego, We gays know how to have a good time plus you have the beach were half naked all the time.

  20. Bryan said

    I hope Miami, is good show, with this fabulous drag queen, it might be.

  21. Dy said

    You need the twirl and the spoon action going..If you don’t know how to eat spaghetti then don’t. I agree with Bryan stick to rigatoni etc…

  22. BobLHead said

    Ease up! I didn’t say I cut up spaghetti…that would be against my religion!

  23. Dy said

    @22 Lmao Bob…

  24. BobLHead said

    (snickers) Yes, I have mad respect for all pasta!

  25. Dy said

    @24..Good Girl 🙂

  26. G-sus said

    @TK It’s like six degrees of separation of Kim Zolciak minus about 4 degrees. Now if we could get the new Miami HW to belt out a little Tardy for the Party and we could compare the two.

    BTW, anyone know when Miami is supposed to air?

  27. Dy said

    Haven’t heard anything GSus, don’t even know if they are filming

  28. G-sus said

    Thanks Dy. Miami should be anything but dull. Can’t wait for more info on who is going to be on the show.

  29. wykkyd said

    @19 Bryan…LMAO @Third Reichen! He was such a sourpuss, as were the rest of them.

    I’m from the DC metro area where my brother and my best friend used to compete in drag shows and Ms Gay America. Fun, fun, funnnnnn times! My brother has since moved to Miami with what he calls the “Happy People”.

    I. Am. Looking. Forward. To. This. Show!!!!!

    Hi, G-Sus, Dy, Mrs. Hugh, TK, BLH…and the very funny Bryan!!

  30. Dy said

    @28 GSus…

    I just checked RT, They ran a story about this franchise back in Sept. It says they got the news from e, or something. Anyway it said something about this series going to air in nov or jan. well we know that hasn’t haappened yet.. check out the story on RT.

  31. wildheart said

    Oh, love her! That second clip is good …I love puppies and world peace as well! I watched the A List and Third Reichen-you always crack me up Bryan! Miami should be a hoot, as Elaine would say! LOL

  32. Dy said

    “The “B” word and the “C” word…Lmao!!!

  33. Mrs. Hugh Jackman said

    Hi Wykkyd! xo

    Hey peeps! 🙂

  34. Dy said

    That guy in the first picture in the center( in white) has a cockeye..Are you looking at me, or are you looking over there??… Marty Feldman thing going on

  35. Mikki12 said

    Hi Dy! I remember that story on RT. The Miami show started out as one thing but then Bravo decided to turn it into another HW series. I’d sure like to know when it will air. Maybe Bravo is still unsure how to present it.

  36. Dy said

    Hi Mikki!

    Maybe your right Mikki, I went and checked out the story again this afternoon over there. Check it out.

  37. carrot said

    I guess it was too good to be true– thesitethatshallnotbenamed is reporting Elaine didn’t make it as an official housewife. Guess the term is too sex-specific for the fans?

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