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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion – Rehashed

Posted by tinselkitty on January 28, 2011


Now that we’ve all had time to ponder the deep, philosophical themes that is the Real Housewives reunion show, how is everyone feeling? Tinselkitty is simultaneously pleased and disappointed. It is a strange place to be, indeed.

I would like to begin this rehash with a direct request for Bravo. Please, for the love of ceiling cat, stop wasting our time with the round of “Hello, Andy”s that y’all force at the beginning of every reunion. You’ve already cut down 10+ hours of stuff we all want to see to just two hours, we don’t need to spend five minutes with pleasantries. None of them sound sincere or unscripted, anyway. We know this isn’t the first thing they’ve said to Andy that day. Just stop it.

Andy does seem to be doing better with asking the most popular questions instead of lobbing BS stuff out there as he used to do. Let me ask y’all this, though – are there really a lot of people that think Adrienne has Paul do her plastic surgery? Besides the reasons Adrienne gave for going to another doc for the big stuff, it is generally considered unethical for doctors to provide medical treatment to family members, particularly for major medical problems or surgery.

I did love it when Andy called Lisa Vanderpump, Extraordinaire by her last name. “What do you think, Vanderpump?” Awesome. I bet those two have a good time when they get together.

Last night I learned that a gallon of milk is way less expensive in Beverly Hills than it is in my neck of the woods. Really, $3.29? Why do cheap out there? More importantly, why so expensive here? WTH, dairy farmers?

Costco needs to snap up Kim as a spokesperson right now!

Taylor gets into the mix with a question about the $60,000 birthday party. She’s not going to do that kind of shindig next year because…she’s so tired, yo! Andy asked her if it was worth it and she did a fancy little Oklahoma jig around that answer by saying people seemed to enjoy it. Well, duh, Taylor. I’d enjoy a $60,000 party, too, but I still wouldn’t think it was worth it for a four year old’s birthday. I’d eat your fancy snackies and drink your cocktails and thank you for inviting me and then on the way home I’d wonder what the hell you were trying to compensate for. Men have overpriced sports cars; I guess Beverly Hills women have overpriced birthday parties. Taylor must have an incredibly small penis.

Zipping over to the other couch, Andy begins to chip away at his approved and mandated list of Camille Grammer questions. She has damage to control and she can’t do it unless Andy asks her just the right things as decided by her publicity team. Andy plays along as you know he wants this bitch back (don’t we all?) but manages to get in a few zingers as well. Poor Camille is so slow on the uptake, I don’t think she catches half of what he’s adding in.

First up on the topics we have to hit – the New York apartment. You see, the issue with the square footage wasn’t Camille’s issue at all. It was Kelsey’s, didn’t you know? What’s that you say? This is the very first time we’ve ever heard anything about it being Kelsey’s bitch and not Camille’s? You know what, you are absolutely correct. Even on WWHL, after the publicity team had been engaged, she didn’t breathe a word about Kelsey when discussing the apartment. Nope, at that time she said it was a mistake about the square footage and it was only 1,500 square feet instead of 3,500 or whatever she said on the show. This was the story also going around the magazines after the internet picked up on it and began to slam her. Whatever. We all saw the apartment. There is no way that thing could be described as cramped and claustrophobic, especially given its location. So now it’s Kelsey’s fault. First drop in the divorce bucket.

Speaking of, score one for Andy with the divorce bucket! Camille went home after the reunion and immediately hired a bucket manager. He is still trying to locate this bucket so he can manage it but wisely hasn’t told Camille it’s a fictional object. Paychecks are hard to come by. I don’t hate him. Let’s just hope she doesn’t want to take it to her next court date.

Our next item up for bid is the Life and Style Most Hated Housewife cover. Camille was very hurt, devastated in fact, to read that. I believe her. It would suck to hear that about yourself. I just don’t know if she took it as something to learn from or if she chalked another item up to Female Jealousy©. And you know what? Let’s talk about that for a minute.

For all you parents out there, stop using the jealousy excuse with your kids when someone is mean to them or doesn’t like them. I get it, I really do. You don’t want them to hurt and you want to make it all better. But telling a kid that someone doesn’t like him because they are jealous doesn’t do anyone any good. The kid that doesn’t like your kid probably has a reason. It might not be a reason you like or agree with, but kids don’t just hate someone because it’s a Tuesday in October. And maybe, just maybe, your little darling did something asshole-ish to the kid that doesn’t like him. And maybe your little darling didn’t tell you the whole story of why said kid doesn’t like him. Or maybe that other kid just doesn’t like anyone whose name starts with whatever letter your kid’s name starts with because one time he got picked on by someone whose name started with the same letter. Who the hell knows. But if you can’t figure out the real reason and effect a peace treaty, don’t tell your kid that everyone’s just jealous.

You know what happens when you do that? You create another Camille. And because no one’s ever told Camille “hey, you’re honestly just being a bitch” she’s running around thinking all the other girls are just jealous. And now look at how unhappy Camille is. She wants friends; you can tell she’s almost desperate to have them. But she doesn’t know how to treat them. Think about that the next time you feel the need to soothe a little one with the jealousy excuse. Step up to the plate and have the conversation about how not everyone gets along with everyone else and yes, it hurts, but what can we do to help you feel better and find some friends that you mesh with.

Whew, I need to climb down off that soapbox. So, back to Andy and his list of adjectives he’s allowed to use to illustrate the near universal hatred of Camille.

 

Pre-nup free, look at me!

 

  • Conniving
  • Passive agressive
  • Narcissistic
  • Insecure
  • Catty
  • Jealous
  • Cruel
  • Hypocritical
  • Self-absorbed
  • Manipulative
  • Fake
  • Insincere
  • Delusional

 

Camille’s response? “Wow, it’s, um, it’s very hurtful. It’s devastating when you hear that about yourself.”

I just don’t see it, folks. I don’t see the devastation. Yes, she’s had a few weeks to get used to this stuff, but she throws that word around with nary a smidge of emotion. Camille does not come across as a person who experiences many highs and lows on the emotional continuum. She’s really pretty evened out. All the time. She’s so happy is the same face as she’s so devastated. Yeah, I know, botoxed to hell, but she doesn’t express emotion in the rest of her body, either.

For instance, that crack Lisa made earlier when they were talking about the NY apartment – that merely caused Camille’s eyes to widen for a second and then she started laughing. I think we all know of Tinselkitty’s love for all things Lisa Vanderpump, Extraordinaire, but that would have absolutely made me cry. Even in the English accent. Even knowing it was a typical Lisa joke. Hell, Adrienne cried more for the loss of the Grammer marriage than Camille has.

Hey, what was that that just went flying by? Holy backstabber, Batman, it was Taylor, swooping in to prove her loyalty to a woman who will soon be in control of many, many millions of dollars.

“Whomever wrote those specific words, if they ever said it to her in front of any of us, they would have serious problems on their hands because we’re all here for each other and these people can sit behind their computers and write negative words about people who seem to live perfect lives but they don’t know her and it’s, I just think it’s cowardly.”

And, as Kathy Griffin would say, Baby Jesus smiled upon Tinselkitty, and lo, a gift from the heavens was brought down and placed before TK, wrapped in shiny paper and tied with a sequined bow.

Whatcha gonna do about it, ShanaTaylor? I’m saying it all again. I stand by everything I’ve said. I’ll say it from behind my computer, in front of my cat, in the back seat of my car, in the front row of the movie theater, in the center booth at the restaurant down the street. I’d say it throughout California and I’d say it if I ever had the displeasure of running into either you or Camille. I do not like either of you in a box, I do not like you with a fox. I do not like you here or there, I do not like you anywhere. I do not like your friend or you, I do not care what you say you’ll do.

Yeah, you talk a big game, but then turn around and say you’ve never laid a hand on anyone in your life and you never would. So what’s with the threats? You’re mouth is writing checks that your body can’t cash. Is that Oklahoma enough for you to understand? It’s either that or you would, in fact, try to throw down, which means you’re a liar. Oh, I just now got it. You have Pinocchio lips, don’t you? Every time you lie they get bigger, don’t they?

Have you even thought about what would happen if you tried to get Oklahoma on someone? You weigh 14 pounds. You are always wearing sky high heels. What exactly is it you think is going to go down? You are a world class bullshitter, Shanaylor, and you’ve obviously forgotten your roots if you don’t remember what the rest of the country thinks about bullshit.

And where the hell do you get the idea that we think you or Camille have perfect lives? I haven’t heard anyone say they’d want to be you. At best, I think you could get someone to swap bank accounts with you. That’s about it. Proud of that, are you, you foolish little twit?

One more thing before I move on. You are the biggest coward on that show. For fux sake, your shit stirring is ON TAPE. It’s not like it’s a case of circumstantial evidence. There isn’t any hearsay involved. Have you not a DVR of your own? Do you not watch the show? If you weren’t a coward you’d own up to your actions but you just keep denying over and over again. If you weren’t a coward you wouldn’t poke Kim over and over again and then run and hide behind Kyle.

Sheesh, I almost forgot. It’s whoever, not whomever. Using the word whom only makes you sound smarter when you use it correctly.

There’s more to talk about with Shanaylor but I’m going to take a cue from her and save it for a later discussion.

 

Wow, this post is veering into obnoxiously long territory. I’m going to break it up and get this bit out now while I work on the rest. Stay tuned…

 

 

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60 Responses to “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion – Rehashed”

  1. G-sus said

    He released a statement basically saying there was nothing wrong with having a good time while still making it to work. Denial, big time.

  2. Dy said

    @49 I hope he stays in rehab, I hope he gets his life together.

    @50 Really..well I’m glad I stopped watching it then.

  3. Dalai Mama said

    Interesting how some stories have questioned why Charlie Sheen has (at least prior to the last one or two episodes) received more or less of a nudge-nudge-wink-wink response from the press and public to his antics, when Lindsay Lohan is publicly excoriated for every one of her transgressions. I agree with the previous comment that the likelihood is increasingly good that he will not physically survive much longer.

  4. Bryan said

    I blame Strega!!!!

  5. Bryan said

    I want Sonja to right cross Alex, if she is going to be called a Thug in a cocktail dress, make it your on Sonja, Also if that horse was fucking up another party, Bitch MUST go!!!!, I would have thrown her out too, Yeah Jill is Jill but if that Horse faced trick needs to tell of Jill again don’t fuck up a social situation trying to “express” herself.

  6. Fleur said

    “Parenting For Dummies 90210,” by TINSEL KITTY!! You tell ’em TK!

    Excellent recap. LOVE, LOVE, LOVED it.

  7. The “going Oklahoma on your ass” statement is a common phrase in my neck of the woods (though I don’t live in Oklahoma, so the state name is changed) and it means EXACTLY what everyone thought it meant. Them’s fightin’ words, no matter how much Taylor tries to make it appear otherwise, and she knew damn well what it meant when she said it. Ugh, she sickens me.

  8. Donna said

    Taylor is a wimp. When Camille mistakenly said Kyle accused her of using surrogates to preserve her perfect bod, Taylor was mute. Kyle denied that she made a remark about Camille’s surrogate births and Camille then apologized. Taylor didn’t even cop to the fact that she was the one who made that comment. Tinsel Kitty, you are absolutely correct in saying Taylor is the biggest coward on the show.

  9. Mrs. Hugh Jackman said

    Yes, when Taylor told Kim (repeatedly) that she was going to go Oklahoma on her a**, that was not a “joke” at all. Taylor was definitely trying to backpeddle and act the (BH) lady, OR the southern lady that she is NOT. My family is from the south, and I have NEVER-EVER had a female family member say that to anyone. Not ANYONE. Taylor, you are no lady.

    I can picture all my (southern) female AND male relatives giving Taylor the stink eye. LOL! Not a lady at all.

    That whole “joke” business really made me ill. Just awful. Taylor was making excuses for her bad behavior. She will NEVER own up to any wrong-doing(s). Just pathetic.

  10. Jelly...Peanut butter and Jelly....Jelly bean...whatever! said

    I guess Shana had to say she was ” going Oklahoma ” on Kim to be taken seriously….

    Think about it….. “going California” on someone would just make them laugh….

    Oh wait. It was all a joke.

    Um-kay. Never mind.

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