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Episode 1 Jersey Shore Recap: Bong!

Posted by LWoo on January 8, 2011

Hello, peeps! Sorry about the delay, but the weather wasn’t too friendly yesterday here in Michigan and I had to run a few errands.

But, alas, here I am- giving you the recap of the first Jersey Shore episode of the Season. We start off with Snooki and she introduces us to her equally as tanned (and smart) Deena. Thank goodness it’s her instead of Angelina! Strangly enough, she’s also almost as short as Snooki- if that were at all possible.

They move on to the other people leaving & saying goodbye- all the while intercutting to Snooki telling Deena about everyone. (Love that Pauly-D drives a Cadillac)

Ugh, I hate to talk about Sammi & Ronnie. They’re gross, I know. I’ll stop there. Sam thinks she’s badass because she’s sure, in HER head, that she kicked JWoww’s ass. Let me again remind you that she didn’t; and JWoww was getting held back, but still punched the bitch. De-Nile is NOT just a River in Africa, ya know?

I accidentally took off my bikini bottoms, too, teehee, I'm so drunk.

Moving on. Everyone’s getting settled in, but you can feel the tension. It doesn’t help that Mini Deena got wasted on the first night and showed the Situation her bong! Not gonna use Vajayjay because it seems to have an endearing quality to it (although not ladylike). And, if Mike Sorrentino turned it down, then it has to be a less-appealing name for it. I’m just going to use the word ‘Bong.’

Here we go again. Sam is acting like the Baddest Bitch because she still thinks she kicked Jenni’s ass. Um, denial, girl. Look the word up. Already pissed at this chick. I think I should mention that, at this time, she STILL hasn’t seen the 2nd Season episodes- so she STILL doesn’t know all of what Ronnie did. Yeah, I know. Baddest Bitch, right? But she’s paranoid because it’s “3 against 1.”

Room Situation: Ronnie & Sam (in a room with 3 beds), Snooki/ JWoww/ Deena, Pauly & Vinny….wait….oops…The Situation is NOT a happy camper because he has to share a room with Ronnie & Sam!! LMAO!!! Snooki described it best when she said that he has “Miserable” tattood across his forehead. Deena tried to be sweet to Sammi and got the rudeness from Sammi. I think I would’ve smacked a bitch! But that’s just me. Remember that violence is never the answer…unless it’s the Jersey Shore, I guess. Okay, Sammi’s a bitch.

You gotta take into account the atmospheric conditions, yo.

After a wonderful game of flipcup (which I’m good at, I might say) without boring-ass Sammi & Ronnie, some of the peeps head to the hot tub. Seriously, Sammi & Ron are boring as shit! They should just weld themselves inside of the room and stare at one another while Ron tells her how much he loves her and wants to be there for her. Okay, sick of them. Moving on. Oops, forgot to mention that we find out Vinny bonked Snooki’s best friend, Ryder. Not sitting well with Little Snooki. Really, these guys hook up with anyone– so who wants the diseases?! Sorry, let me get the penicilin and I’ll be right back….

Okay, better. This is around the time that The Situation sees Deena’s Bong and he just…leaves her there? Donkey Butt Face actually walks away from a vagina staring at him. His excuse is because it’s day 1…but we all know better.

Deena is wasted and walks around everywhere, then goes in the forbidden room to drunk-talk to Mike. Not bad talk, just drunk talk. Deena mentions Roid, sorry RONNIE’s, name in the kitchen and he came storming down the stairs in a rage….not saying it’s a Roid Rage….just saying a rage- going off on a woman who’s as short as Snooki. Yeah, I know….whatta man, right?

This is where it’s hazy. See, why go off on someone who is OBVIOUSLY drunk?! Roid (I mean Ronnie) goes downstairs to argue with a drunk and Sammi follows…because she’s a badass bitch now, ya dig? Fingers point, Deena looks sad (going through the sad stage of being drunk….we can relate) and Sammi is making fun of her- knowing that she’s drunk. Again, why argue with a drunk person?! Sammi and Roid (forget it, it’s Roid, not Ronnie) look like the idiots.

Oops, Snooki is straight-up. Just tells Sammi “You’re a bitch.” Oops again. Snooki tells everyone that Ron’s mom calls her and asks her “Why the f*ck is my son with this boring-ass bitch?!” Even though Snooki might’ve fabricated a tad, Ronnie still didn’t say anything. Oh my! So now we know that there’s some anger going on in Roid’s house about Sammi because why not take up for your boo, ya know?

Bitch. You bitch. You're a bitch. No, you're a bitch.

Sammi and JWoww exchange a couple of words, then Badass Sammi threatens to punch Jenni. Bad move. Jenni runs up to Sammi and Sammi does the thing we did when we played with each other in middle school: she fake- punches Jenni to make her move. Oh boy. LOL!!! You can’t fake punch when you’re over 18. Just sayin.’ Well, as you must know by now, Jenni starts in on Sammi like Ali! Awesome. Jenni landed more punches with her left hand than Sammi tried with any arms. Sam, did you at least PINCH the bitch?! Then the heavens part and Sam is put back in her place….wait….it goes black. Crap.

The winner in this episode: Deena. Why? Because she got toasted enough to piss off Roid & Sammi, then Sammi finally got the punches she deserved from her bitchy behavior all throughout the episode. Too great.

The previews for this season look CRAZY-Good!! I can’t wait to recap the rest! I hope you all enjoyed!



21 Responses to “Episode 1 Jersey Shore Recap: Bong!”

  1. Great job LWOOO and WOOHOO!!!! Fist pumps all round!!!

    I was sooooooo glad to see Sammy get her face punched in.. SHe just egged it on and you reap what you sow!!

    I have a feeling we are gonna see a pretty Drunkie Snookie this season..

  2. Dy said

    Good Job Lwoo xo

    “Bong” hysterical love it!

    Sammi..uggh!..Had to come out of the gate,guns blazing acting the Bitch,so freakin annoying! This season all she going to do is lay in bed whine, pick at her eye make-up( that she never freakin removes) and pat her hair. Go Home Sammi, I’m starting a petition!!

    Deena,Denna,Denna..She’a hotlittle mess isn’t she? But I think I’m gonna like her, just cause she will make me laugh.

    Love that Pauly is driving a Caddy also!

  3. Dy said

    Oh hell yea IJS @1

    The Snookster is gonna be wasted the whole time, poor baby needs to back away from the bottle sometimes. Aressted for Public Intox, Blacking out once a month, yea,Snookie back away from the bottle, I love ya!

  4. Daniela said

    Great recap LWoo! You did yourself proud, Girl!
    Can’t stand Sammi…she drives me up a freakin wall. I was rooting for JWow. I can’t wait to hear “I’m done.” She deserves whatever she gets.
    Deena looks like she’s going to be a lot of fun.
    Did you check out the coming attractions for next week? Sammi the bitch punches Roid!? Wow! Already have the DVR set.

  5. Dy said

    @ Daniela

    Doesn’t Sammi work your last nerve? Geeze, does this chica EVER leave her bed? Does she Ever stop Bitching? Holy Cannoli!

    “I’m done. Really, I’m done. Seriously I’m done.”

  6. Daniela said

    Hi Dy:
    If I were her mother, I would give her a swift kick in her ass. lol, she is ALWAYS in bed, whining. Marrone! She is a chronic complainer…Jeez Louise!

  7. Dy said

    @Hi Daniela

    Seriously what is wrong with is young woman? I mean what happened between her Jenny and Snookie happened, get over it. She came to the Shore looking for a headache and acting the Bitch. Then feeling sorry for herself because it is 3 against one. Well she made it that way, she didn’t have to be mean to Deena,she tried to be nice to her from the get.
    Sammi is no Sammi Sweetheart..She is Sammi Cold Heart

  8. Dani said

    I really tried to like Sammi early on but she makes it almost impossible. Who ever gave her that nickname must have meant it in jest and it just stuck cuz it in no way fits her personality. Ronnie and her need to step away from each other. They both look miserable being together. I don’t know what Sammi brings to the show, always lying around in bed. It’s like having a depressed perennial teenager in the house.

    LWoo thanks for the recap. Great job.

  9. Olive the other reindeer said

    Lwoo,,,your recap was well worth the wait,,,,High 5!!!!! Keep it up……We think so much alike it’s scary…lol

  10. CAgirl said

    Loved the recap LWoo!!! Looks to me like this is going to be a GREAT season–can’t wait for next week!

  11. LWoo said

    Thank you guys! So glad you liked my first real recap! Woo Hoo! I’m all excited.

    Sammi got on my NERVES in the first damn episode!!! Geez! All she did was walk around with a cocky attitude- until Jenni punched her face. But that’s what she needed. She kept saying, “I can’t wait to see JWoww’s face when she sees me here. She’s gonna shit. Hahahahaha!”
    Why does she think Jen is scared of her? Jenni must do boxing lessons! LMAO!

    @ 4 Daniela: I don’t think that’s specifically next week. They were just showing the previews of the season. I remember hearing that Sammi left the house when she saw what Ron was doing. He made the devide in the house between the girls and I’m sure that Sam felt stupid looking at it go down in front of her eyes.

    She can witness how torn the other girls were when it came to telling her the truth about Ronnie.

  12. LWoo said

    LOL @ 9: I watched it twice- just to make sure that I didn’t miss anything. (Love DVR!)

  13. Dy said

    L Woo..You did a great job, I knew you would,you love the show!!

    You and I are on the same page about Sammi cold heart,and everything eles about the others.

  14. LWoo said

    Thank you, Dy! 😀 I think Sammi is like that because she actually listens to Ronnie. He tells her stuff and she feels hyped-up and cocky. She was so wrapped up in WHO wrote the note that she forgot WHY they wrote the note.

    Thankfully for us, she is reminded during this season. 😉

    Her arrogant attitude was just driving me nuts. She was so sure that she beat JWoww’s ass!

  15. Dy said

    Love ya LWoo xo

    Sammi bitch-heart,cold-heart, mean-heart..Needs to grow a heart,and a brain,and grow the f up!

  16. Dy said

    Yea and J-Wow beat your ass into next week on freakin national tv..

    Know that Sammi bitch-heart,cold-heart,mean-heart

  17. Rosie said

    You did a great job with the JS recap!

  18. LWoo said

    Thank you, Rosie! 😀

    @ Dy 16: Did you see Jenni’s fist hitting Sammi’s face?! It was hilarious! I kept rewinding the DVR to see how everything went down. When Sammi fake-punched JWoww, you could see that Sammi didn’t think JWoww would do anything- so she just relaxed. (Again, you can’t fake-punch over the age of 18). Then you could immediately see Jen’s face get pissed and just went for it!

  19. Dy said

    Hi LWoo

    Lord that was such a girly move and Huge mistake for Sammi Bitch Heart.

    Message to Sammi bitch heart..Jenny beat your ass last season on national tv,and she did it again this season.Freakin Know That!!!!

  20. LWoo said

    I know, Dy! Sam is in denial. I think Roid told her she beat JWoww’s ass, so she believes it- knowing that she didn’t land any punches. But Jenni was pinned back at the time— someone was holding her and she still landed a few on Sam! lol

  21. Dy said


    I think Sammi Bitch heart is ridicules.

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