Tv Time 101

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Read the Title In Nene’s Voice

Posted by tinselkitty on December 5, 2010

I Have Done You Wrong!

I thought I was doing so well. Cruising along, thinking I’d hit my groove, resting on my laurels just enough to miss this. I totally understand if you want to fart in my general direction.

There is something about the Beverly Hills housewives that is causing me to lose vast swaths of my life. Just the other day I was reading about dissociation as it relates to how we deal with stress and found it fascinating. Once again, Dr. Google has stepped in and diagnosed a condition I didn’t even know I was suffering from but it totally makes sense. There is no other explanation for me missing Not Kelsey’s Wife whining that she is being unfairly portrayed as a villain. This concerns me greatly because I consider Not Kelsey’s Wife to be a treasure trove of ranty goodness that I can dip from whenever I’m feeling testy. I cannot continue to go to a happy place any time she speaks and expect to maintain a decent grip on my snark laser.


If you're not a villain why are you wearing villain shoulder pads?

Assuming you’ve put away Nene’s voice by now, go ahead and don Not Kelsey’s Wife’s voice and read what she told Jenn Hoffman at OK! Magazine:


“I’m very disappointed in my character. They’ve turned me into a villain and I’m not like that. It’s not me. I can’t even watch myself. I don’t know why they [the producers] are doing that. I guess they needed that character.”

Tinselkitty concurs. I, too, am very disappointed in your character, Not Kelsey’s Wife. Also, appalled and annoyed and disgusted. Most of the negative feelings, really.

Lisa Vanderpump, in her most infinite awesomeness, disagrees and has been quoted as saying she feels the show is very accurate. Bazinga!

Not Kelsey’s Wife is so traumatized by this meany makeover that was forced upon her by Bravo that she has gone tweetless. Or I have gone blind. Now where did that bottle of rum go?


50 Responses to “Read the Title In Nene’s Voice”

  1. Daniela said

    Sounds just like Strega!

  2. Rosie said

    Hi Daniela!! Happy Sunday.
    Of course, every HW show needs a passive aggressive, self centered, clueless freak! Just like with Strega.. Bravo is always right! They don’t need the character, but if one is there, the cameras will find it.

  3. Dy said

    Guess What Crazy Camille?

    I don’t freakin care..You are a freakin nut!!

  4. Daniela said

    Hi Rosie and Dy: Congrats on your new apt.! Moving is so stressful.
    Dy, I’m so glad to see you back.
    I have been decorating for Christmas and shopping. Next is baking. I love the way Christmas looks (lights, trees, etc.) but I just get worn out with all the work involved. I’m getting too old for this.
    Can’t wait…tonight’s Atlanta. I love to laugh at Fakedra.

  5. Dy said

    Hi Daniela and Rosie xo

    Glad to be back,I missed everyone, we shall see how it goes 😉

    I love Christmas too..” It’s the most wonderful time of the year”

  6. Rosie said

    Hi Daniela & Dy.
    It is the most wonderful time of the year! Now I have that song in my head. I’m in a sea of boxes, but I announced this morning, that our tree has to be up by 7:00pm! My husband has a terrified look on his face! I’m a Christmas freak, but my family secretly loves it. 🙂

  7. Dy said

    It’s a great song Rosie, put on some Christmas Music and tackle those boxes!!. “I’t’s the Hap,Happiest Season..”

  8. Daniela said

    Rosie: Forget the boxes, the tree is the most important thing to do! Tell your hubby, not to worry. I wish I could keep the tree up through January…it looks so pretty.

    Dy: Do you do much baking? My mother has us baking for weeks. She insists on making cookies and biscotti for a small village. My favorite ones are the fig cookies.

  9. KurlyHairedB said

    Love the Christmas holiday too, we just can’t decorate too much in our house, due to the evil black kitty that we have.

    Here is what she has done every year since she was a kitten:
    Year 1–she knocked down ornaments and continually climbed the tree, you would look over and see the tree moving and then notice neon green eyes staring at you.
    Year 2– no ornaments put up, so she started eating the branches and was running down the hallway and I noticed tinsel coming out her behind, emergency trip to the vets for bowel obstruction.
    Year 3–no ornaments or tinsel, so she decided to bite the lights, thus shorting them out and causing a trip to the kitty ER #2
    Year 4–no ornaments, tinsel or lights. She then decides to knock the tree over, on top of the kids while they were opening presents, she also broke a lamp.
    Year 5–no tree put up

    Hubs now does an internet search, PRINTS out a picture of a Christmas tree and we put that up on the wall and stack presents under that. The boys think that its hysterical that we have a picture of a tree instead of an actual tree.

    Oh and you should see what she does to the presents, when the boys go to open them, there are bite marks, claw marks and they are shredded to pieces. She also thinks that they all belong to her and lays on them and they have to move her before they can even open them.

  10. Rosie said

    @7 Dy.. That’s the plan! Plus the cable guy is coming between 12:30 & 1:00. He keeps changing the time.

    @Daniela.. I bake!! My mother was a great baker, and I learned from her! I want to make Gingerbread cookies this week! My pies are really good.

  11. Daniela said

    @KurlyHairedB: Hahahahahaha….can you put a fence around the tree?
    My chihuahua lays under the tree and will bite anyone who goes near the presents. My hubby put 2 $100 dollar bills under the tree and told the boys if they can get them, they can keep them. NO ONE is daring enough to go near it. I’m the only one who can get them…hey if things get too tight, I guess they have my name on them.

  12. Rosie said

    Lmao! Actually I don’t know if I should laugh or feel horrified! That is a funny story though.

  13. Daniela said

    Rosie: Yum, do you decorate the Gingerbread cookies with the piped icing? I tried making Gingerbread men a few times…I only was successful one time. I used a recipe in the King Arthur cookbook. They smell so delish when they are baking. OMG!
    Pies, I’m not too bad with. I saw at Williams Sonoma website, they have this new gadget that makes small pies. It’s by Breville. I was thinking of getting it.

  14. Rosie said

    But of course those babies are iced! Plus spinkles, raisens, nuts, cherries etc.

    Pies are easy for me because I learned very young. My apple pies are my best. Kind of a cross btwn apple pie and apple crisp.

  15. Dy said

    @9 Hey KHB..Lmao!! That is freakin hysterical.

    Nope Daniela, not much of a baker, just pizzelles,and cannolis. My sisters got the baking genes, me, I got the cooking genes.

  16. Dy said

    Oh Rosie..”a cross between apple pie and apple crisp”..Holy Cannoli that sounds so freakin good!!

  17. Rosie said

    The new place has a nice sized kitchen open to sitting room, so I actually feel like cooking and baking. My husband is putty in my hands when I bake. 🙂

  18. Daniela said

    Rosie: That sounds delicious! Does it have a crumb topping? Did you ever attempt a gingerbread house?

    Dy: Don’t sell yourself short…cannoli’s are a lot of work. Pizelle is time consuming.

  19. Rosie said

    @16 Dy.. It is! When ever I visit someone, and ask what I can bring, it’s almost always.. Apple pie.
    The secret is tart apples thinly sliced, lemon juice, and way more cinnamon & nutmeg than the recipe says. Plus, you must sprinkle sugar on outside crust before and after baking.

  20. Rosie said

    @Dy.. I love cannolis! I never tried them.
    @Daniela.. I haven’t done the crumb crust in years. I sugar and cinnamon the top crust & bake till Golden.

  21. Rosie said

    Daniela.. No I have never made a GB house. My family couldn’t take the smell, without being able to eat it.

  22. Rosie said

    Uh oh.. Cable guy is here! See you in a while on my iPad finally!

  23. Pixie said

    KHB, what if you bought a tree and spritzed it with dog urine? Not sure how the tree would smell but I figure it wont smell since dogs pee on trees all the time. Feel free to ignore this suggestion.

    Dy, Rosie and Daniela, you guys are making me hungry with all your pie talk. Have to save up all my calories today for our RHoA drinking game tonite.

    Dy and Daniela, do you remember that Italian name for that dish with that sounded like whore? My friend is going to Italy and I wanted to teach her Italian phrases in addition to baccagalupe.

  24. Dy said

    Cannoli’s are easy if you buy the shells, they are pretty good, I have used them in the past,when I’m pressed for time.Daniela you are right cannolis are alot of work if you do it old school,(making the shells) but the filling is easy. and pizelles are time consumimg, but they are easy peasy

  25. Dy said

    @ Pixie..Are you talking about Pasta Puttanesca/ Whore Spaghetti?

  26. olive the other reindeer said

    I promised to have Christmas Eve and Christmas ( since I have all the holidays) My brother did Thanksgiving because I had just gotten out of the hospital,,,I LOVE LOVe Christmas,,,it is my mission to keep my Mom’s traditions alive,,this is gonna’ be tuff,,,but boyfriend decorated ( he did a better job than I did but that’s our secret),,,,I make Kolacki ( etnic light cookie filled with apricot,raspbery,,pineapple or nut) nut rolls,,,and 2 layered pumpkin pies,,,plus all the cooking,,,this is going to be a rough time,,but I’m determined to keep the family together,,,I’m sure I will get help from boyfriend,,,,
    LOL Olive the other Reindeer,,,you know I’m a Christmas nut!

  27. Dy said

    Kolacki’s are freakin awesome,my husband loves them! Talk about a pain in the ass to make..Good Job Olive!

    Sometimes it is hard to keep the family together after a death. People sometimes think it is the opposite and you all become closer, but sometimes it tears familes apart. It is good that you have this vision quest to keep the family together, you will, i just know it 🙂 xo

  28. olive the other reindeer said

    So glad u are back,Dy,,,this is my support group…and yesterday was my patron saint’s name day my b-day was the 1st and my saint name day was yesterday(my grandmother said I brought my name with me when I was born,,,I love traditions),,so my brothers and dad came over and made dinner for me,,,chicken alfredo,mmmmm mmmmmm
    Kolacki’s are a lot of work,,but when u see the people u love enjoying them,,it’s worth it,,just pray I can do it,,

  29. olive the other reindeer said

    well,,my loves,,I’m off,,it’s family day,,and football,,,take care and hugssss to all of u,,,again DY I’mso glad to see u back,,,special hug to u

  30. Dy said

    Love Ya Olive..Enjoy your day! xo

  31. Daniela said

    Sorry…my little guy has a stomach virus!
    One reason why I hate winter…at school they catch everything!

    I think you’re right Dy, puttanesca is the only one that comes to mind.

    Olive, Dy is right, you have the vision to keep everyone together, and keep all your family’s traditions alive. Your mama must be looking down and smiling at what a good girl she raised! xoxo
    Those kolackis sound delicious. Anything with nuts, I’m in!

  32. Dy said

    @Daniela..Aww I’m sorry your son is sick 😦 I hope he feels better soon.

    Thats the only one I can think of.

  33. KurlyHairedB said

    #23 Pixie, not sure if I want to spray dog urine in the house…we tried squirting her with a little water pistol, she would just hiss at us and keep terrorizing the tree. Hubs even tried the air horn everytime that she went near the tree. It turned into this game, she is like a toddler that even negative attention is still attention. She would jump on the tree, shake it all around then when we got up to get her she would throw herself on the ground and roll around to get belly rubs. When we had ornaments on the tree (first year), she would knock them off, then go running through the house with them in her mouth.

    We keep telling her that she is lucky that we adopted her from the local rescue, she looks at us hisses at us, arches her back and give us a look as if to say, “I’m lucky? bitch you are the lucky ones…” Even though she is evil, she is so full of personality that she makes us laugh all the time. So we put up with her crap.

  34. Dy said

    @ 33 KHB

    Your cat sounds freakin hysterical,lmao!!

  35. Pixie said

    Puttanesca. That was it! Thanks, Dy and Daniela! My kids always catch multiple viruses in the winter, too. I Purell constantly but all I have to show for it is cracks in my hands.
    BTW, I loved eating cannolis whenever I wanted when I lived on the east coast. I miss them so much. Don’t think I have the talent to make them, only buy them.

    KHB. Totally understand. The dog urine was a gross idea.

    Olive, I’m so impressed with you, thinking about kolackis despite everything you have on your plate. Your family is lucky to have you.

  36. Daniela said

    Thank you, Dy. I think it’s one of those 24 hr. viruses. He is just thirsty, but my pediatrician always says the same thing…”nothing to drink.” It just prolongs it. Hopefully by tonight he’ll be as good as new!

    Pixie, I have never had a cat. I don’t think I would know how to care for one. Growing up we weren’t allowed to have animals in our house. My hubby and sons like dogs, that is the reason why I have had them over the years.

  37. KurlyHairedB said

    @36, there is a saying “Dogs have owners, Cats have staff”. We are completely at the beck and call of the 3 of ours. The newest is an 8 yr old that we rescued, she must have fresh water on command. She will go to the water bowl, taste it, if it isn’t fresh enough, she will meow until we get up and give her fresh water. The evil black one is a complete trip. We even had to replace the faucet in the kitchen sink because of her. It used to be the kind that was one handled that you raised to get the water out. from watching us, she learned how to turn the water on. Everyday we would come home and the water would be running in the sink, now it is 2 handled, and she still tried to turn the handles to turn the water on.

  38. Daniela said

    KHB: They sound really smart! I find it amazing that these animals have their own unique personalities. Turning on a faucet is amazingly smart!
    Over the years we have had several different dogs, hamsters, a gecko, a lizard and fish. The hamsters put me over the edge…they would escape. Last one ended up dead in my garage. Then with the lizards, I had the pleasure of having to buy the darn thing…crickets! The boys would drop them, and I would be serenaded by crickets in the dead of winter. Now the rule here is “No More Little Critters!” Now thankfully they are no longer into animals, their new interest is in girls. The 16 yr. old is into driving (me nuts) and getting his license.

  39. Dani said

    Hi all.
    KHB – That is hysterical. You might appreciate this story I heard on the radio yesterday. This family brought in their x-mas tree they had just cut down and the cat ran straight up the tree. About this time a squirrel came running out. Can you imagine the chaos in the house? LOL.

  40. Dy said

    @ 39

    OMG..Freakin’Christmas Vacation!! Lmao!!

  41. Dani said

    KHB – Spot on about cats having staff

  42. Dani said

    KHB – didn’t mean to post that so soon. Once had a cat Oscar. He was a real brat but that’s what we all loved about him. He only allowed pets when he was good and ready. Used to play hide and seek and actually tag you when he wanted you to hide. It was so funny. When he would hide, it was often behind the drapes and he would stand perfectly still but the funny thing is you could always see his feet. You would call out where is Oscar and pretty soon you would hear this snippy little meow like over her stupid. Too funny.

  43. KurlyHairedB said

    Each kitty is unique in their personalities. The evil one goes to her daddy each evening when she is ready to go to sleep, climbs into his arms, then when he pays attention to her, she hisses, but makes no attempt to leave. She even will grab his hand so that he can rub her ears, and hisses while he is doing it. She is actually a very loving kitty, but I think she just likes to hiss.

  44. Pixie said

    Daniela, hope your little guy gets better fast. I hate stomach flus. Those pedialyte popsicles work pretty well for my kids when they get sick. Honestly, I doubt they make much differrence from regular popsicles. I know they have electrolytes and all that crap but wonder if it’s partly a marketing ploy. Sorry fir digressing. Really hope he gets better soon.

    KHB, your cat sounds hilarious! I have a terrible cat allergy so I’m jealous. I’m too lazy to have dogs. They’re just so needy. I can barely handle taking care of my fish.

  45. Rosie said

    Thanks for all the well wishes!
    @kHB..your stories are hilarious!
    @Daniela..I hope your “baby” gets well soon.

  46. olive the other reindeer said

    Thank you Daniela,,Lady Dy,,Pixie,,,those were the sweetest things to say,,,I think my Mom and Dad did a good job on the 3 of us,,,,I miss her so much,,especially this time of year ,,It is all in her memory and in her honor that will push me on to do this,,,

    On another note,,regarding if Nene may be a Grandmother,,my mother had a strict rule…You never talk about other people’s kids.

  47. Dy said

    @46 Hi Olive

    Your mother will always be with you always! And I believe she is loving every minute of you keeping the traditions going. xo

    If Bryson is going to be a Daddy, ok, It happens, it’s not the end of the world. What bothers me is that NeNe didn’t need to be pointing the finger at Kim. She really needs to pay attention to what is going on in her own home.

  48. olive the other reindeer said

    Thank you Dy,,I know she is around me,,,thank you xo

    Exactly the point,,take care of your own business NENE and let Kim parent her children,,,,Kim’s kids love NENE,,u can tell,,,that was a hit below the belt,,not a Kim fan by no means,,but u don’t talk about other friend’s kids,,

  49. Bryan said

    That’s what all these tramps say! LOL

  50. Dy said


    Bryan!!! xo

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