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Posted by tinselkitty on November 30, 2010

Jill Zarin to Launch Shapewear Line

I can’t tell you how many times in the last few years I’ve wriggled and wrastled my way into a pair of Spanx and thought to myself, “tinselkitty, today’s gonna be rough – you really need to access your inner bitch and have it at the ready.” Thanks to Skynet’s ever diligent thought-logging, my dreams are soon to be reality.

If you see colors, please contact your IT department immediately to have your monitor adjusted.

Jill Zarin, the hottest home decor maven on the block, is planning to release her own line of shapewear. You’ll never guess what it’s called. Are you ready? Skweeze Couture. Isn’t that fabulous??? Skweeze. With a K and a W! Skweeze ’cause it’s shapewear and it’s gonna skweeze you! I bet you’re wondering where the couture part comes in, aren’t ya? Let me tell you – there will be colors.


Women’s Wear Daily quotes Jill with this gem: “I’m obsessed with looking my best, and I wear Spanx, but there’s no competition out there.”

I can’t puzzle that one out so y’all are going to have to tell me what she means by no competition out there. Perhaps she means there are few choices in shapewear for all of her fellow size twos? I don’t know. What I do know is that I can think of few things that will get me bitchier than a day of skweezing courtesy of Jill Zarin. Damn, I spoke too soon; there are a few things that immediately spring to mind.

  • Spending a day being skweezed after a shitty night’s sleep in low quality, offshored bedding.
  • Letting Jill Zarin have any of my money.
  • Wall Street bonuses.
  • Any day without cats.
  • Camille Grammer.

You have until sometime next year to take cover. Flying Spaghetti Monster help us if she decides to go after the Man Spanx market, too.





82 Responses to “No”

  1. BobLHead said

    You guys will LOVE this!

  2. Rosie said

    Mikki, I cringe too! I didn’t grow up in NY so I don’t have it. I think of it more as Long Lsland/Staten Island accent. Actually, most of NJ doesn’t have an accent. It’s mostly in the north where people have moved over from NY. You’re right! Amy Fisher sounded like Jill. Lol

  3. Dani said

    Mikki – she was from Long Island. Her accent was not as thick as Jills. We used to laugh about all the differences in our language. Like for me athletic shoes are tennis shoes, for her they were sneakers. Little things like that amused us.

  4. Dani said

    BobL – where the heck you been? Hilarious clip. That girl looks strangely familiar in that clip but I can’t figure out where I might know her from.

  5. Rosie said

    Dani.. Yes sneakers are east coast (or north east).

  6. Dani said

    Rosie – I can remember her saying one day “why do you call them tennis shoes, do you only play tennis in them?” I was like “I might play tennis in them among other things, but what about you, do you only sneak around in your shoes?” Things like that used to crack us up. You got to love this country for its diversity.

  7. Mikki12 said

    Dani – Reminds me of my dad who was from Maryland. He always called the living room the parlor. I don’t know if that was regional or what. I know parts of the country refer to soda as pop. Yes, lots of diversity when you think about it.

    Rosie – Now that you mentioned Staten Island I have to relate this story. At my job, which is telehealth/telephone triage nursing, we get calls from clients in all 5 boroughs of NYC, Nassau County, and parts of Westchester. I’ve been at this particular job for almost 7 years so I’ve spoken to hundreds upon hundreds of people. By far, the dumbest callers are from Staten Island. Every time I speak to someone from SI I think to myself “are they really part of NYC?” There is not one drop of that famous “NY savvy” in any of them. I sometimes wonder if they have ever gotten off the island. They honestly fit the description of country bumpkins. It never ceases to amaze me. Talk about being so close and yet so far.

  8. Rosie said

    @1 BobL.. Good clip!
    Were you sick, Bob?

    @5 Dani..
    Lol! That’s so cute! It is a wonderfully diverse country! Are you still in the Midwest?

  9. Rosie said

    @7 Mikki..
    I know! On Thanksgiving night, we were on the GS Parkway going back to the city. There was a huge line miles long going to the exit for 440 Staten Island. My daughter said “just imagine you sit in that line for an hour or more, and what is the reward at the end? You’re in Staten Island”. Lol

  10. Mikki12 said

    Rosie: Is this the daughter going to London? If so, I can see why they want her. Not only is she observant but witty, too. LOL. Speaking of which, for anyone who has HBO check out the Martin Scorsese documentary/interview with quintessential New Yorker Fran Lebowitz. Entertaining, interesting, and funny. Can’t beat that combination. Does anyone watch “In Treatment” on HBO?

  11. Rosie said

    @10 mikki
    Yes it was the “Baby”.
    Oh yes. I’ve heard about that documentary. That’s tonight? I’ve got the John Lennon in NYC/PBS documentary on right now. And.. Yes I watch “In Treatment”! Love it. We like most of the same shows!
    Are you watching Boardwalk Empire too?

  12. Rosie said

    Mikki.. Break on PBS. Switched over to Public Speaking on HBO. Hillarious!

  13. Mikki12 said

    Teh Fran Lebowitz documentary is on right now. it’s called “Public Speaking” and it’s on from 8-9:30 pm. Right after that, the magnificent “Temple Grandin” is on again. Temple is one of my all-time heroes (right up there with Jane Goodall) and I absolutely loved the movie. It won a boatload of Emmys, too. Do you think I would miss “Boardwalk Empire?” Not a chance. Yes, we do like the same shows and dislike the same ones (Top Chef),too! Returning to “In Treatment.” What do you think Sunil is going to do? I read that there has been Emmy talk for the actor portraying Sunil. I agree. His performance has been riveting.

  14. Mikki12 said

    The part I enjoyed the most is when Fran talks about gay clubs and smoking. She is spot on and I was ROFLMAO.

  15. Rosie said

    That’s the part I came in on! So funny. “Who would have thought in the new century, cigarettes would be the most deviant thing you could do”.

  16. Oy Vey said

    Talking about sneakers and tennis shoes, I think it’s regional. When I lived in Chicago, we called soda Pop, in Florida is was Coke (no matter what you were drinking), and in California it’s Soda. My dad still calls flip flops, Zorries. My mom calls them thongs. It’s just kind of funny.

  17. Rosie said

    Oy Vey.. Lol. I’m NE.. Soda (like Ca) .. Flip flops.. And sneakers. 🙂

  18. Mikki12 said

    Oy Vey: Omigod. I haven’t heard them called Zorries since I was a kid. That’s what my mom called them, too.

    Rosie: I am so glad you caught that part with Fran Lebowitz. I think that was her best segment.

  19. wildheart said

    Hello everyone! Oy Vey, we called flipflops zorris and I still call them that! Hubs always teases me that I am only person on the face of the planet that says that! Mikki, love Temple Grandin, In Treatment, Boardwalk Empire and totally agree with you about people from staten island. It is a little enclave unto itself.

  20. Oy Vey said

    That is funny guys. I havn’t heard anyone but my dad call them Zorries in forever! My mom calling them thongs is the one that gets her in trouble though. Funny story – when my daughters bday was she asked for a pair of rainbows (flip flops), so on the phone with my mom I tell her this. So she says “Ok I’ll buy her some thongs.” Well the contractor who was working on her house was there and told her she was a really cool grandma, not many would buy their granddaughters underwear. My mom started laughing and told him no they were shoes. She still get embaressed when I remind her of that.

  21. Rosie said

    Oy Vey.. Lol. Tell your Mom, it’s time to switch over to Flip Flops. “Thongs” has a whole new meaning now!

  22. Rosie said

    Just saw your question on “in Treatment”. Sunil.. All season I thought he was violent. Now, I think Paul is going to warn the DIL, and wreck the family, and it’s going to be a mistake.
    What do you think?

  23. olive the other reindeer said

    I don’t have HBO,,,hoping Temple Grandin comes out in a CD set.

  24. olive the other reindeer said

    BobL I loved that! Looked like my friend Dave,,,

  25. Mikki12 said

    I was actually leaning towards suicide but that’s been done with a couple of other patients so I doubt the writers are going that route. The best thing for Sunil would be to return to India. Maybe a job will open up for him and he’ll have an income and can leave. Speaking of leaving, I’m on my way to a meeting so I’ll check in with you all tonight.

  26. olive the other reindeer said

    OFF Topic,,,,NKW,,oh happy joy joy! I love Thursdays,,,don’t judge me,,I’m on short term disability and not much going on in my life *sniff

  27. BobLHead said

    Morning Ladies! I was in a turkey induced coma for 4 days, then I went to work, and they actually expected me to DO stuff! The nerve!

  28. Rosie said

    Hi Bob! I was worried. I thought you were sick! Hope you had a good holiday.

  29. Bryan said

    Such a “Style Maven” Oy!!!

  30. Bryan said

    Eat the cranberry salsa it will bring you right out of that turkey coma!!!

  31. So Twitter’s abuzz with Jill bashing and her choice to contract her bedding and clothing lines overseas. Is it wrong for me to jump in there and take a little credit for getting that ball rolling? I’m so proud!

  32. Rosie said

    Hi TK.. I heard that! People are after Jill for child labor overseas. She is such an idiot! Lol!

    Hi Bryan.

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